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Rihanna | No Victims No Villains

Pertaining to the Chris Brown vs Rihanna domestic “abuse” case:  If Rihanna were my client right now here is what we would do.

First, we would not tag her a victim.  The more we focus on fighting for a cause, the larger that thing we are fighting against becomes!  That is basic Law of Attraction – What we focus on expands…

Rather we would focus on the significance – the Quantum significance – of the ‘situation’.  We would seek to discover how she created this ‘situation’.  In this way we can actually stave off future manifestations of violence.  Click away if you think I am going to allow either Rihanna or Chris to be made Victim or Villain here.

Not going to happen. 

Sit in on our session:

So let us begin, Rihanna.  You have attracted the beautiful and talented Chris Brown as your boyfriend.  Awesome!  Love it!  So how long have they been together?  What has been the situation up to this point?  Do you love him?  Why?  What do you love about him?  What have been some of the major issues here?  Violence prior?

Once we have the background on the relationship we’d begin to dig to the root of the matter.  What was you childhood like? Both parents together, fighting in the home, peaceful?  Did you father abuse mother, you, siblings?  What do you know about Chris’ background?  What was his home life like in youth?  Have you met the parents?  Do they like you?

Time out.  Does anyone look at these facts when analyzing an isolated or streaming event of violence?  No, I beg your pardon.  How could I insinuate that there is any good reason for violence?  How could I imply this psycho babble as a way to deal with the ‘situation’.  Easy.  We are each creating our lives.  We create with the 88% of us that is sub-conscious.  If we have a history of violence, abuse, or mistreatment, we will always, until we uproot the past from our minds, create more of it.  Somewhere we actually like it.

But the main stream woman curses me out: Don’t blame the victim!  Kenya K, nothing they could have possibly been through together or ‘attracted’ out of one another is good reason for this woman to be hurt and bleeding in the hospital.  I know.  I know.  Mine is an [old] new vantage point.  We create our lives!  Plain and simple.  JujuMama happens to have the science on how that works for ‘good’ and ‘bad’.

Back to session with Rihanna.

Rihanna, it is time to understand how you created this.  I feel for you girl, I have been there myself.  I created loads of violence in my marriage.  My husband has almost killed me on many occasions, but today I stand a free woman having found the root and the ways I had been creating this behavior in my life.  Try to understand that we are going to find the mirrors here – we are going to find the root causes of this situation.  A.)  So that you can create something NEW and B.)  So that if you want to continue your relationship with Chris (highly likely) you can with the know how you need to shift this situation and make it look however you want it to look.   Rihanna, I refuse to take sides and I refuse to pass judgment.  We are going to do something very progressive here – you down?

OK – so let us begin with the facts of your current relationship:

Clue # 1:

Us reports the couple [often] squabbled over infidelity. A source tells Us Brown accused Rihanna of having an affair with Timbaland; a friend of the producer responds that he and Rihanna and the producer only “saw each other for two seconds.”

OK – so we have a little mix up here.  Is it true that you had an affair with Timberland.  This is not a problem (I personally believe that we should all be able to have sex with whomever we desire, but anyway), we just need to know the truth.  The reason this is important is that if you are addicted to drama (maybe you saw LOADS of drama in youth and this is just a repeating pattern) then you will want to shift that addiction using my special tools, namely Lacing.  Anyone can get a four hour Lacing Session with JujuMama here at the Love Academy!

So tell me all about the cheating.  Why does he feel you were cheating, did you lead him to believe this or is it true or is it tabloid crap?  Good girl.  Thank you for your honesty.  We are going to heal your world up baby!

Clue #2:

Us reports that after the party Brown was angered when his credit card didn’t work at a gas station and sped off in his rented Lamborghini at a high speed.

Does Brown have an anger management issue?  If so how does it show up?  Who does this remind you of from your past?  Have you had past boyfriends who are this way?  How often have you created this ‘type’ in your life.

Rihanna:  What does this have to do with my healing?

Well, there are six billion people in the world.  We attract those who come into our lives based on our vibration.  If we are vibrating a love for drama – have a love for angry men – or are an angry woman – then we attract ANGER every time without fail, and each time we get to feel affirmed and comfortable.  Comfortable because this is the habit.  We have developed a habit for drama and angry men and it feels good in a rather sick way when we have one.  Luscious.  Right?  Oh I have been there.  No worries…

So I will ask you – when is the first time you found a man behaving this way with you – was it in youth?  OK – no one you can think of.  How did your Dad behave with your mom?  Oh, OK, her boyfriends, how did her boyfriend behave with her?

[Keep in mind this is a fictional story - I have not had session with Rihanna]

Clue #3:

Us reports that Rihanna saw one of Brown’s ex-girlfriend’s numbers in his phone and flew into a rage that sparked the violent incident.

Rihanna, what happened on the evening of the fight?  Did you become irate about Brown’s past lover?  You can tell me, I recall being in college and slapping a man’s face while he was driving the car because his X-girlfriend called – yes – I was a hell cat!  What really happened girl?

Do you have an issue with anger – is Brown reflecting you?  How do you manage anger?  Have you ever hit Brown?  Have you ever threatened him with cheating or breaking up with him?  Have you ever destroyed his property – I had to ask, I saw your video.  You burned the man’s clothing?  Remember that one?

Rihanna and I would go on this way until we dug out each root in her mind that creates the expectation that

A.  Men are violent

B.  Men are Angry

C.  Women get rowdy as a defense to angry men

D.  Women have to be rowdy from jump to keep him in check

E.  Break up to make up is sexy

F.  I can only be vulnerable after a fight

G.  I only feel loved when he jacks me up

H.  I can not conceive of drama free love

These are all the basics – I would need Rihanna to fill in the blanks.  Do not get me wrong.  These patterns are VERY VERY VERY normal in American, Carribean, Mexican, even European women – these are the basic markers of a culture so violent and male based that sensual energy is on the wane.  No problem.  Rihanna is not a bad person and nor is Chris.  They can still have a great relationship.  This is the WORK of relating!  In fact, they are perfect for one another!  I love it!  No need to run and hide from challenges.  I have to go get my hair done now and will complete this article with my [fictitious] session with Chris Brown a little later!  Enjoy!

And again, I am not suggesting that the pair just get back together with no strategy to work on the relationship.  They both need a process of healing and that begins with taking 100% responsibility for the situation – each of them 100%.  They should get coaching from JujuMama and so should you if you’re experiencing violence or trauma in your relatinship.

Ciao!

Kenya K Stevens

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Rihanna | No Victims No Villains

  1. Excellent analysis!! As a man who experienced “abuse” from women in relationships, I understand the thinking behind the people who get “abused” and why they attract those circumstances. It is usually one of low self esteem, repressed anger, and expectations. However, since letting go of the “stuff” that I thought about me, my relationships are very harmonious and peaceful. Thank you for this add though. Peace

  2. Girl, I love me some you!!!!!

    I don’t know how I missed this article but I think you should publish it or reference again. You do know some folk are not ready to release victim, blame or attack, right?

    I feel comfortable saying this in this space:

    I am so annoyed by this! My girlfriends and I, women who are evolved and have been through somethings, were talking about this. We were honest with one another. This whole domestic violence thing is important, it is an issue however we came to the conclusion that there is a difference between domestic violence and fighting. Feel me? In other words, it is not right for a woman to put her hands on a man (as I have been one who has) or taunt him to that point. Dr. Phil said on The View, a man should run the other way if the woman is coming after him. Really?? I do agree he should try to constrain himself and avoid the situation. Cooler heads sometimes prevail. However, how many time has Dr. Phil taken a peep into AFRO-Caribbean, Black, Ethnic households? I witnessed the women in my family roll up on a brutha with a quickness. I inherited the behavior I saw. Of course, I’m a life coach and have under gone tremendous process to heal, to do the work. However, the culture and like you said those deep rooted beliefs must be taken into account too.

    Toxic behavior, threats, fighting is not acceptable male or female. I believe that should be the message, instead it’s groups (activists, feminists, racists, etc. . .) taking a position of attack, which creates a victim. Like, seriously (in my Nefe voice)is there a balm in Gilead? Western culture has become a society of whiners, I know because I used to be one. I was a 19 year old with a husband and unhealed issue too. I had women in my family who did the best they could with what they had. I still have moments when a man can push me quicker than a sister. So, I know that I am NOT alone. I know too many of my own friends who have gone hard and they are cute little prissy women.

    Now, here’s another disclaimer, I am not blaming the woman or saying a woman deserves it. My work is primarily with women. I’d be the first to be ready to solider up if it was one of mine just to stabilize the situation. Then, the Holy Spirit quickens in me and reminds me who I am and the power to shift in a moment. A Course in Miracles calls it The Holy Instant. I am loyal and an advocate for women, however I’m a spiritual advocate for transformative, 3rd dimensional healing first AND that’s a HUMAN issue. Kenya, I know I’m preaching to the choir but I am on the battlefield with you. The bold prayer of “Create in me a clean heart, renew in me a right spirit.” is not for the faint of heart. Thank you for blogging on this.

  3. No one knows the FACTS of her current realationship. You are posting what Media says and we all know how they can be.

    We have to be veryyyyyy careful when we say we “create” something. When in deed we DON’T create but we Rhi did not Create the energy of this Abuser. This was created along before seh was born and have been on the earth for eons. HOWEVER she did Draw this to her. As ALL ENERY IS FLOWING AROUND US ALL DAY EVERY DAY! She Cultivated this but she did not Create it. When I say cultivate I mean ARRANGE. There is a difference. Also what about Chris. Why is SHE the one focued on! HE did not Create this energy, he grew up in it. That was not his fault. He cultivated it and CHOOSE to use that rage in a unproductive way.

    Example every note is on the keyboard, all one has to do is ARRANGE the keys to produce a song, melody or different sound.

    Again you Law of Attraction buffs reallyyyyyyy need to study more before you speak. A Higher Freqnecy DRAWS ALL ENERGY TO IT! Is not The DIVINE the HIGHEST ENERGY THERE IS. Does not the DIVNE bring in to subjection ALL LESSER ENERGIES. Of course, for the Divine (Higher Energy) to control and bring other energies into sujbection there has to be a RELATIONSHIP/BOND with the lesser energies. You can not control that which you had no hand in making.

  4. @ Nosugarcoatn

    I wanted to take a minute to decide whether a reply was in order, so that it would not be a volley. So, because Kenya takes the time to post quality content and even takes some risk. I shall also:

    I agree with you on being careful and not rushing to judgment on either side. What I underscore is the need for healing for both because of their individual exposure and background. Now, as for the Law of Attraction, let it be known that there are 12 Major Universal Laws. The LOA is one that only most recently received the most attention. Therefore, I wouldn’t consider myself a LOA buff. However, to your point, from a metaphysical place we I don’t believe we just fall into our life’s assignments either. What would be our response to life if we believed that we “choose” our parents (the vessels in which we incarnate)? What would be our response to life if we did believe the energy never dies but only transforms? Could we then shift from the place of victim? (to your point: had no hand at making)

    The original post seemed to address it from “that” place to me. Although, JuJu mama has referred to a Quantum view in several other places. For instance, she says in a previous post:

    New paradigm thought is not like the old stuff. Gone are the days when we could cut the fool all week and then go to church on Sunday to be ‘forgiven’. That is a dying school of thought that lacks the component of human beings take 100% responsibility for the creation of LIFE. New Paradigm Thought does not suggest the absence of a higher power. It simply denotes the fact that a higher power infused itself into us and placed us here to grow through experiences to achieve heaven on Earth rather than after death… (no such thing as death, then?)

    Here are a few remnants of that dying thing called the Western Relationship Paradigm with the emerging counterparts:

    * Blame vs Responsibility
    * Shame vs Tolerance
    * Envy vs Acceptance
    * Jealousy vs Compersion
    * Grudges vs Empathy
    * Anger vs Joy

    Lets begin with the obvious. You chose that lover of yours now didn’t you? When things get hard, which they will, the first thing we do as Westerners is blame the other person or blame ourselves! Neither of these are going to work much longer. As Aquarius makes her way back to Earth, we are drawn in a new, sexy, direction.

    Taking 100% responsibility for the situation is so liberating!

    Often clients say ‘Well, Kenya K, why should I take 100% responsibility – isn’t that man or that woman 50% of the problem if not more?’. My response to them is simple. New Paradigm thought [which is actually ancient, holistic thought] is based on the fact that we all exist in our own Universe – Parallel Universes! My Universe is MINE. Everything that happens to me is a part of my Universe. Everything that happens to my mate is occurring in his Universe. So, in essence, when some shit goes down, we both have 100% responsibility for it.

    When we view life in this way, we are making room for the obvious – World Peace!

  5. @Darling

    Hello Goddess or God! Thanks for your Reply! I do so enjoy virtual conversations with other like minds!

    This is where I am at, with this whole 100% responsiblity thing. See lots of people just jumped on this LOA bandwagon becasue of the book The Secret. While it was a starter work it was veryyyyyyyy misleading and most of it was a marketing ploy to get people to buy other products. Some of those products fell through, needless to say. One teaching that I think you, Kenya and the like should study is an ancient art of transmutation called Hooponopono. A guy by the name of Joe Vitale wrote the book (another marketing ploy) but if you sit down with some of the older teachers and study it indepth you will have a differnt view of what 100% resonsiblity REALLY MEANS. You will learn that the Universe is sooooooo very vast and there are TONS of Universal Laws. If you get into the Vedic teachings they will teach you this also. Anyway This Anceient Hawaiian teaching is based on taking 100% responsiblity for your life. Now what is written in the BOOK and the actual teachings are veryyyyyy different. They build upon each other. That is why I take issue with the whole LOA because it scartches the surface and confusses so many. It does NOT feed people the MEAT. To truly take 100% responsibility for your life you will have to do a NATAL chart, be able to read that chart, talk to your ancestors, know planetary alingment, know day and time alingment, practice earth magic, balance your chakras and clean your AURA. That will take a LIFETIME. If you get to that place you will indeed be an Ascended Master. See taking 100% respobnsiblity for your LIFE is not like taking 100% responsiblity for your CHOICES. They are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. That is why we have to be veryyyyyy careful of the words we use. Everyone does not believe in reincarnation. So you have to get people to understand where they ARE.

    In the surface teachings people are taught NOT to be a victim to their choices, in that I AGREE 100%! Upon further teaching you will learn that choices are made VARIOUS WAYS. Some conscious some subconscious. The Subconsious is an area that can not be explained my mortal men and women. It holds the Secrets of far to much for anyone to recall in a lifetime. Therapist try to access that realm with Drugs and Hypnosis but what they can do is very limited. On top of that some of us, if not all of us made karmic agreements, some of those agreements were made by their ancestors. IN that case a person is not fully responsible for thier karma. They will have to purge and pray for forgivness for (not to) THEIR ANCESTORS that brought a situation upon them. You will also have to ask each Dieity of The Planets (if you offended any) for forgivness. The world was set way before any of us came here. If someone misteats you that is NOT your fault, HOWEVER it is IS YOUR CHOICE in how you HANDLE IT. See that is what LOA is NOT teaching. There is polarity in all things. Polarity is NOT ANYONE FAULT. How you DEAL with it is your Choice and Yours ONLY. Cause and Effect…

  6. Interesting pseudo psych session… made me think about how we are presently living based on experiences/issues from and of our past. Powerful conclusion you draw by stating that after everything that has happened, they are perfect for eachother and can work out their issues.

    Can't wait to read the pseudo session btwn you and Mr. Brown.

  7. Great point of view. The events of what we do know clearly indicates both were at fault. The bad side is that how dare Rihanna go down that road. It would imply those fighting to end Domestic Violence would look like total crazies for coming to Rihanna's defense. I am at odds with the rush to make her a victim. What is really the underlying intent. Like The Honorable Thurgood Marshall said, "What is the quality of your intent?"

    I will be back to check out more. Glad I checked out the link!

    -Bebe, Publisher of 1021Online.com and blogger of deja vu u a.d. at wordpress

  8. I,too, think that Rhianna's PR group were at fault here.I think she is saying what they think the public wants to hear. I also think that Rhianna is attracting what she wants. That is why women go back to or stay with abusers…there is something they are getting from that relationship that they want,or think they need.I know a lady that grew up without a father. As an adult,she will do anything for the man that 'stays'- she thinks she needs it,to make up for the loss of her own father. He is still with her paying the bills and being a father to his kids, and she needs that,in spite of the beatings and infidelities. And the latter two? She has been taught to seek that,too. Her mother was a notoriously promiscuous bisexual. So is this lady. Her mother and her relationships? Publically violent- and so is this lady's.Drugs and alcohol played a huge part in the mother's life. And like her mother,it plays a huge part in this lady's life,too.
    Not everyone is doomed this way-the lady's sister chose celibacy and the church,but it took years of drug abuse and rock bottom to get there.
    And that is why I agree with Kenya,after watching this particular woman's drama for 20 years,it's hard to believe she wants her life any other way.You DO get what you ask for.
    But Rhianna is so young…it takes maturity and long life to see these pitfalls. Or a disaster.

  9. I think it’s divine how your article written right after the incident lines up with many things that were true. I just watched the Oprah & Rhianna interview

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