So today I get this survey on facebook.  A friend sent it to me.  He wants to test my sexual profile or something.  Great!  I am going to tell you how this survey may summarize the reason 78% of women in this country (YES 78%) are non-orgasmic during intercourse with a man.

Stay open as you read. I Don’t mean to be harsh.  This is a polemic…

TEST YOUR SEXUAL PROFILE QUIZ – A Facebook Application

Question One:

1.  Are you comfortable with your body?

Possible Answers:

A.  I love every part of my body.  B.  I hate my body.  C.  I am comfortable with my body  D.  I would change a few things.

OK – what does sex have to do with being comfortable with one’s body?  I know, I know, you are going to tell me that body image has everything to do with good sex, psychologist said so, right?  However, please examine this closely because herein lies the issue. Why would a woman not be comfortable with her body?  I will tell you why.  Here in this country, we have all seen it, women are attempting to measure up to a cookie cutter body image standard, which is ardently deft.  Basically, women have purchased the notion that if we don’t look like a 14 year old boy, we are somehow sub-standard.  We can shift this!

This has not always been the case. This article is not simply about women body issues.  It’s about male and female relations.

There are numerous cultures, yes still today, where round is beautiful!  There are places where belly dancers are literally BELLY dancers.  Some men LIKE that.  There is actually a study that proves that men intrinsically look for the most ‘fertile looking’ women! (link) So butt and hips and thighs and stomach are revered by men, many men!  A little junk in the trunk is seen as admirable.  I am sure in some cultures,  women more likely reach full orgasm (during sex with men) because there is no senseless, baseless, anxious, cognition about body image.

Now please do not get me wrong.  I believe in good health.  I work out regularly (personal trainer kicks my butt) I weight in at 130 pounds at 5’6 inches.  But I certainly don’t fit the American model for beauty.  I have had three kids so the tummy has a little jiggle, I will never have a six pack, I do not want one.  I have butt and hips and thighs.  But I am healthy.  Very healthy.  A vegetarian for 18 years and a retired gymnast.  BUT, I still don’t fit the model body type.  And why should that affect my sex life?

In terms of losing weight (if you so chose), successful women do it from the standpoint of loving their bodies.  Love your body right on down to the size you want it to be.  The Law of Attraction works that way.  You can’t WANT something you feel you already don’t have.  If you are in want, you are attracting MORE WANT – so you get the converse effect MORE WEIGHT!  You actually have to be in gratitude for what you have!  The next step is blissfully imagining how luscious you are at the new shape you imagine you have RIGHT NOW – even as you are still living in and loving the sensuous skin you are in.

If that man is with you, he likes the way you look.  If you gained weight after having a baby and he cannot deal with that, you need to ask yourself – because of course he is your mirror, a divine reflection of your own thoughts – why can’t YOU deal with your body as it is?  If you were to correct your thoughts around your own skin, he will too.  Period.  (Don’t argue me on this one, it is a fact)  It’s all about your level of ‘good feeling’ about the skin you are in.

So to have this as the first question on a sexual profile is stunning. It is time for us to really wake up.  Women – all of us – are DIVAS no matter what the size.   If we were to keep that in mind we might be having Orgasmic Bliss in Love rather than thinking incessantly about the shape of our skin during love.

It is not up to men to stop commenting on our bodies, or for all of us to give up the media diet.  No way! No Victims, No Villains.  The media and the men are innocent.  Innocent I say!  It is up to women to begin loving bodies, bellies, thighs and hips with all of our sweet, sexy might.  This will change the reflection we see in men and media.

Let’s move on…

Facebook Survey Question #2

2.  Do you listen to your partner to find out what they are enjoying.

OK, somebody help me.  I do not want to hyperventilate up in here.  Breath, Kenya, Breath.

Possible Answers:

A. I listen intently and focus on nothing else. B.  I can hear them.  C.  I listen sometimes.  D.  I listen but it is not the only thing I focus on…

OK.  Ladies and gentlemen, herein lies the problem.  Women and men have different roles during sex…

I was clueless about this for a long time.  I was brainwashed with “we are both giving something to the other” and I was not altogether wrong.  But let’s get deep into the metaphysical meat of this one…Grab the hot sauce, honey.

As it is, in this culture, woman have, unnaturally, become the objectification of sex while the man is the subject of sex.

Here is what I mean:

The subject (currently male) is the focal point. The subject is what the act is about or who the act is for.  Think of a sentence.  The subject is there stoic until objectification (verb) gives it movement and life.  So today’s man is simply waiting for that perfect women to fall into his lap to give him something.  You know the slang terminology “give me some” – generally a male phrase.  Use: She won’t give me any.  Really?  How YIN!  This is not the natural role of YANG energy.  YANG energy is the giver and YIN energy is the receiver.  Like the two poles, or the sun and moon, or night and day – they have two distinctly different functions.   Stay with me people… I am going to prove it.  Let’s look at animal mating habits and anatomy.

Check this story of male and female Tortoises:

To determine who gets to mate, male Galapagos giant tortoises rise on their legs and stretch their necks. The shorter tortoise will cry uncle and leave the taller, larger tortoise to mate.

The victor then proceeds to entice a female by bellowing and bobbing his head furiously. When he is eventually chosen, the male rams the female and nips her legs until she draws them in, thereby immobilizing her. He then proceeds to mount her.

So what happened to the short “loser” male tortoises? Frustrated males have been observed humping rocks and even other frustrated males (why, there’s even a YouTube clip).

Now THAT is what I consider Male or Yang behavior.  He is the Objectification here with her being the Subject, naturally.  He is trying to get HER attention, not the other way around.  He is trying to show off his neck and attract a woman, not the other way around.  He is fighting other males to get a woman, not the other way around.  Right?

She is the one just sitting pretty ready to receive the male with the most brawn, choosing the stud she wants to enact upon her.  She is subject.  No male Tortoise is out there being a player, choosing any woman he wants with spare women just waiting in the wings, fighting one another, to pounce.  Female Tortoises don’t fight other females to get the male.  Males who do not measure up are humping rocks for goodness sake.  Males are Objectification. Look at the Peacock – the male wears all the shiny feathers to get the woman to choose him.  It goes on and on… at least in the animal kingdom.

The objectification (in Modern culture – the woman) is what enacts upon the subject. Like in a sentence, the objectification or verb is giving life and movement to the subject.  Objectification is impregnating the Subject with meaning.  So in this modern relationship madness, women are to please a man, give him some action, give him a piece and impregnate him with bliss.  Women are to do what it takes to get him aroused, turn him on and so forth.  He is the Subject – like a female tortoise.  He is looking to have hoards of women offering goods.  In this way he knows he is cute.  It makes me shudder to even think of it.

But isn’t it great?  We get to solve this quandary!  It’s like unscrambling a Rubic’s Cube.

I had to turn a man down for dinner the other night because I felt this YIN energy pouring off of him ( I am in the market for straight up YANG my dears).   He is a potential client and is uncomfortable booking a session (does not want to pay for my expertise), but wanted to ‘talk’ about my services at the W hotel.  I told him that I regret not being willing to drive into the city and meet him for dinner when all he was talking about was getting a hotel room at the W.  I do not have time for that.  I told him that if he wanted a session with me (sure, we do Tantric healing sessions all day long, we call it male or female rebalancing – check the coaching page) to let me know.  But I have no time to come lay up with him or give him anything.  I am a receiver, not a giver.  I was born knowing how to give and am learning to receive (like most women).  And this is not selfish, men,  please keep an open mind.

Do you know what he told me?  He said there are loads of women who would come sleep with him right now.  They would be happy to come give him some for FREE!  Forget paying for a session.  WHAT?  First off, intercourse is not a part of our rebalancing Session, even as we do provide healing touch and intimate energy work – which is very sexy.  And secondly, I encouraged him to call one of those ladies.  Do you see that?  He was upset that I would not fight traffic and come to him and give him some.  He told me he wanted to feel special, cute and attractive – he wanted me to come to him because I liked him and thought him good looking.  So now I am the aggressor?  What?   I am the man and he is the woman. NOT.  I am Subject, my friend, you are Objectification.  Women are the choosers, men get chosen.  But somewhere, somehow this is a lost art.

Oddly, when the tables are turned, mostly during a serious relationship or marriage, the man may naturally tend to place woman as subject.  Meaning he now has to be the one to arouse her, act upon her, turn her on, get her aroused (like a male tortoise might to a female) he is pissed about it because he has not been taught how to do this or why it is vitally important to his manhood.

He thinks she is supposed to be giving him something. (And she did right up to the day after the wedding LOL! A symptom that women do the fake giving thing to get a man out of social conditioning, only to tire of it – it was never natural – and become sexually despondent – because she does not know how to use the power of her feminine energy).  What he does not know, yet, is that what he desires, from the deepest part of himself, is not for her to give herself to him.  No way.  He wants to entice and arouse her, and bring her to her peak.

This is the famous CHALLENGE that all love self-help is talking about.  But they miss the mark.  Men do not need a chase, they need to feel challenged to GIVE in the sexual setting.  And they need to succeed at it!  And sex gets better and better each time when dealing with a receptive woman, because she embodies levels and levels of bliss for him to pull from her.  And when he pulls it, he is pleased with himself and bonded with her.  This natural way of relating will keep a man VERY engaged.

But this committed man is upset that he has to give.  And often the women is confused when she has to receive (I have a headache).  He complains when she turns down his shallow, listless, YIN, advances.  She won’t make love with me.  She acting funny about the goodies.  She will not just give it up, wants me to do something better, do something more valiant.  He feels less than a man and low and behold – he is!  Not by nature,  he is not simply a loser – men are winners! – but by insufficient education on his natal role.

Again…

YANG men love the challenge of enacting upon a woman his powers and arousing her based on his sheer, kingly, might.  This is how he knows his power.  The ultimate challenge.  He loves to see her respond to him and become puddy in his hands.  He loves to see her orgasmic.  This makes his day – but only when the orgasms are REAL. LOL!  He is not looking for a quick ___.  No man really is, naturally.  Men have been conditioned to desire this YIN form of copulation.

A Yang man loves to give something for her to receive.  He is objectification and she is subject.

OK – Here is an Image Break.  I did a google image search “Men Seducing Women” Here is what I got – SAEVERY ONE OF THESE MEN IN THE PICTURES ARE SITTING DOWN OR LYING PRONE!

They are in the YIN element.  The women are in the YANG element.  Stretching their necks like male Tortoises!

The challenge here is so obvious to me!  How about you?

Now my search was ‘Man Seducing Woman’  so I did the search again!  Thought I had it wrong.  MORE OF THE SAME!

Well, one new one came up.  There is not even a man in this picture!!!!

How is this an image of men seducing women?  There are NO images of men seducing women under that Google Image Search!  Try it yourself.  No image of men in the YANG position enacting his giving self onto a receptive woman.

I hope this, almost obscene, landscape is becoming clear to you.  Natal gender roles have been dangerously reversed – and this is important.  My polemic is not simply an idle rant.  I am a relationships advocate!  I want all of us to be holistically fulfilled.  Few are sexually satisfied (men or women) – and STDs are at an all time high.  I think there is a correlation between STDs and social/sexual imbalance.  Imbalance begets imbalance.

The real illness?  nSTD – Natural Sexual Tendencies Destroyed

I fear that men, just as women, have become lost in the sauce of ‘any gender roles goes’ which makes sex a challenge for both parties.  And it is a beautiful thing because now we get to unravel it.  It requires an open mind.  Try to feel what I am saying.  I am not placing blame on anyone.  I am not talking DOGMA. I am talking Good Sex, Delicious Healing and Powerful Creative Force rising between men and women again.  Both genders would be much happier to use their natural, sensual, energy rather than this pseudo-love, misinformed, nonsense.

Let me be more clear. Let us take a peek into the local nude bar.  Women are the objectification.  They may do a lap dance, show some boob, turn a man on and get paid for it.  Men are the subjects.  They are being enacted upon.  This arrangement is not only unnatural but is not working for the men or women in this country.  We tried it, but it does not lead to female orgasm in 78% of women!  Ask any porn star!  Ask any housewife.  Even ask your local stripper.  Her apparent sexiness is not leading her to better sex at all!  The majority of women say they can bring themselves to orgasm, but never has a man brought them there.  And then we get into the nonsense that we have to teach a man.   Don’t get me started.  And this situation (nude bar, porn)  most certainly does not lead to male satisfaction.  He will tend to always need a stronger fix to get him aroused.  Well, why is that?

And men, this is not a dis.  This will actually empower you.  Sex is mainly for women to receive and men to give!  Did you know that!?  We learned otherwise because this is a backward (yet lovely) paradigm.  But actually at our most natural core, women have always chosen the man who she best saw fit to give her something, whether it be the best seed, the best orgasm, the best protection, or whatever.  Women have always been the subject of sexual energy.  Oh, you don’t believe me?  I can prove it thorough anatomy.

Anatomy of Sex:

Women are doing what anatomically during sex?  Why of course, we are receiving!  Men are doing what anatomically during sex?  Oh sure, they are giving!  Close your eyes and Visualize it!  So anatomy alone says that the women is Subject.  She is being enacted upon, she is receiving this luscious gift from a man.  She is Subject.  Men are objectification.  They must put on a show to get a woman.  They must prove themselves to be virile and strong.  They are charged with bringing a woman to a certain state; and for a really Yang man, it does not feel like work, it feels like heaven!  They LOVE bringing women to a certain state.  The woman’s job is to receive and release control (which should be easy for a chooser), allow it, and really go into a state of trance to energetically receive her chosen man.

What man enjoys love when he easily gets a woman at a bar, quickly becomes aroused by her objectification of herself, has a quick orgasm, and is done for the night?  No man enjoys this.  Well, maybe a very YIN man.  But most men want to be virile, strong, long lasting and pleasing to a woman.  This is all he actually needs to feel good about his manhood!

Which leads us back to Question #2. Do you listen to your partner to figure out his needs during sex?  Hell No!  That is not my role.  My role is to receive his energy, and I mean truly receive and open to him.  He is to listen out for me and sense where I am headed.  During sex he represents conscious I represent subconscious.  My noises and movements will tell him if he is on track to objectifying this subject called woman.  I am subject, he is objectification!  This is not feminist, it is feminine.  My point?  What a dumb question.

This question placed in a sexual profile quiz for women shows me that this paradigm is off.  Really lost in the sauce.  Where is that hot sauce people – the meat of metaphysics is cooking!  2012 we are ready.

Facebook Question #3

How many positions would you use in one session?

A. 1 B. 2-4 C. 5-7 D. It doesn’t matter

Ok folks this one is pretty obvious.  I mean let me get this straight.  As a woman, what does it matter how many positions I use in a session?  What matters is that 78% of women are NON-Orgasmic in this country during intercourse with a man.  I don’t care if you use 300 positions in one session.  If the woman and man are not functioning from natural, energy based, gender roles – Man as giver, woman as receiver – then the entire potentiality of creative energy aroused during the extraordinarily spiritual act of sex is lost.

How do I know this is so?  Sex is not about position, it is about energy.  Tantra teaches us that connection is the most intimate part of the exchange.  By this it is meant that connection with the other human being – woman receiving a man’s energy and a man giving his electricity to women, is the thing that makes the process worthwhile for both.  Did you know that there are over 300 ways a man can bring a woman to full lung, heart, kidney and liver as well as vaginal orgasm without touching her at all!

Check this link to see a video of this in action.

My husband practices this technique which is called NitVana and has expanded it even further.  We present LIVE Tantra demonstrations and workshops nationwide – we call it The Organic Bliss Event We have videos of this technique on Facebook!  (Next Dates: Atlanta March 28, North Carolina A and T April 1).  Learn the real art of sensual sexual bliss. Or have us to your town.  Send me an email to request a hosting kit mail@jujumama.com .

But the real deal is this.  Positions are not the marker of great sex.  Positions do not matter at all.

When a woman is in trance, in the act having released her inhibitions, knocking down her walls of tension, breathing deep Universal essence of her being – allowing her man to enact his light upon her dark moon, sensing only the energy of the Ethers, intuitively responding to his energy, floating above her body, like a being of light, submitting fully to the bounty of his land, she is explosively orgasmic!  Levels and levels of pleasurable shards of well being emitting the future of existence into reality.  She creates the world with his seeds of thought.  A woman is a mechanism of creation.

Likewise, When the man is promoting himself as her abolitionist, holding space for her energy, captivated as she responds, motivated to give more, with her inner being as the very thing empowering him to make newness, enjoying the results he obtains, as he senses her whereabouts, only to move her more deeply into the folds of light she is now loving, he becomes the embodiment of YANG ~  She is the essence of YIN and then there is ONENESS.  They are polarized in their natal elemental places making the world move under their feet.  A man is a mechanism for healing.

This is the engine for REAL Manifestation.  I guess the movie The Secret didn’t tell all.

But positions?  How basic.  Most of the time after a tantric experience with my husband, I cannot even recall what we were doing, how we were doing it and where we were at all.  What I recall is the vision I ignited, the piece of future I shaped, and the bliss of Electric Man and Magnetic Woman becoming ONE.

Hope that is pretty clear.  But for you skeptics, let us focus on position,  the physical lump of clay doing the do.  OK – how can I move this lump of clay to get more feeling. I am wide awake and thinking.  Uhhhh.  Dis way.  Nooooo Dat A way.  Nooooo still not feeling it.  THInking THinking THikning…. Gotta get him on da spot.  Gotta get my rocks off.

My Tantra Instructor, Shantam Nityama, used to call this the little girl orgasm.  A clitoral orgasm.  I used to move my husband’s lump of clay this way and dat to get my baby orgasm.  Had I known then that the clitoris is a baby sensation compared to vaginal, ovarian, lung, heart, kidney sensation, I would have had a great time in my 20′s.

Now I have manifested more -  uuuummmmm so much more.  And I invite you as well.

Question #4

When you Kiss to you use your tongue?

OK – I just have no response to this one.  This one should summarize all of it.  Please someone tell me, what does this have to do with my sexual profile.  Again, all of this seems to be based upon moving our physical lumps of clay in this way or that.  I recall a story Nityama used to tell me.  Quite often he asked new clients to kiss him – he did this just so to gauge their level of sexual development.

Most women would move toward him and begin to toss their tongue down his throat.  He would kindly stop them and then kiss them softly.  If they continued to toss the tongue down the throat, he would bite it.  He did this because the women  had to learn the tongue is to penis as mouth is to vagina.  A woman who tosses her tongue aggressively into the mouth of a man is considered to be a YANG dominant woman.  He encouraged women to wait, allow the man to enact his position first.  Receive first.  Then flow with the movements of that man – release to him – feel what he is giving rather than think of what to give him – to turn him on.  He is turning you on!  RECEIVE.  Another of my teachers teaches women to breath as a man comes on to her.  Do not do anything, just breath and receive and allow the body to naturally respond – his name is Yao Nyamekye.  Fabulous!

YIN men need to be turned on.  Again, it goes back to Subject and Objectification.  Woman have been placed in the YANG role of Objectification for so long some of us have forgotten to remember how to receive, how to be the Subject of sexual desire , how to release into the idea that we are chooser.

Think for a moment of the concept of being chooser.  When we go to the grocery store we go to choose food products.  We are choosing these products because they will support us nutritionally or just make us feel good in some way (if you eat the junk stuff).  We are not choosing foods to make the food feel good in some way.  NO WAY!  We are not going to do anything with that food except eat it.  We are going to receive it.

Same with women. As chooser we want to receive something from him.  But we take him home and start giving and when he losses interest we blame him.  Pity.  And, currently, with men as pseudo-chooser (this is a mystery to me – how did this happen?) they are choosing women who will make them feel good.  And the women, we try.  But in the long run, the food is not making them feel good because guess what?  Men are not pleased sexually if his woman is not receiving him.  Men do not want a giver.  Men, at their core, desire a receiver.  He wants to please her, naturally, but he has been duped into believing he wants her to please him.

Unsatisfied, men go chose another, then another. (Not in an open relationship format where there are many male givers and many female receivers, but in serial monogamy with the same jumbled gender role issues).  If  men were chosen by women, there would be no games at all.  He would be chosen by that woman to give that woman something.  She would not be trying to wait to give herself, because he might run off once he takes it.  They would both feel good in the giving and getting.  He would feel empowered by giving and she would feel soothed in the receiving.  So fulfilling!

Wow – I am finding the English language is very tenuous here.  I can’t find the words.  Spirit speaking too fast…  I hope you get what I am saying.

Let’s move on. No.  Let us stop here for now.  I will continue the breakdown of this most telling Facebook quiz very soon.  I want you to digest this information.  Check the video and article links and try to be open minded about what I am saying.

Leave your comment.  You know Jujumama Loves ALL comments.  This place is meant for dialogue which is how we evolve.

Bliss to you!

Article By: Kenya K Stevens