My husband and I have been having this debate for a few days. It isn’t really a debate so much as a discussion about life and love… My husband has cared for me for over 13 years, meaning I have never had a “real” job; he bank rolled me as I built JujuMama LLC and wrote my first book, Change Your Man. I think that he feels proud of his accomplishments. I don’t get the impression that he feels used by me… You know? There has been a synergistic partnership… and it feels luscious. I think any man feels good to care for a woman the way he has for me.
What do you think people? When a woman desires the partnership of a man – financially, especially – is she a gold Digger? What if she seeks only men who have the means to help her with her endeavors? Does that make her a gold digger?
I think the whole Gold Digger paradigm is dead. We should all be seeking good things like wealth, health, depth, and good energy! Why would we not look for these qualities in others? Why should we not strive to attain these qualities within ourselves? Are these not God Like qualities?
I think the Gold Digger Paradigm was born of two movements:
1. Independent Strong Woman
2. Lack Mentality
The independent and strong woman movement pitted women against men in a certain sense. The way I learned it from my mother and grandmother is that I should become 100% independent so that I will NEVER have to depend on a man or men to take care of me. OK? So as I did that, very reluctantly, I became very masculine. I had to! I always had to remind myself that I did not need men – so what was the point? I could get along with or without him. Yeah right.
Think about that ladies, what if the man in your life simply gave off the signal that he could take or leave you – no sweat. You might not like that very much. Right?
My point? Women need men just as much as men need women. People need other people. Human beings are meant to be autonomous and interconnected.
The lack mentality is a similarly foolish paradigm. We live in a culture that actually purports that there is not enough money, not enough time, not enough love and so forth for everyone. This is called the “lack mentality”. What I know for sure is the the Universe is abundant and will always provide what we need and want. Some feel that all we actually need is that we need - forget about what we want, just strive to attain only what we need.
Please. I do not see this as a spiritual way at all. What our hearts desire is very important. What we strive to attain beyond mere existence and survival is the divine self expanding the Universe.
So. What does all of this have to do with the term Gold Digger?
We receive abundance from all beings… And to actually subscribe to a belief that I should not depend on other human beings for THINGS is similarly a waste of my mental space.
Some say that women who date men just for the money is a gold digger. Others have a more harsh definition. I find it hard to believe that anyone, woman or man, is seeking out others JUST for one reason, human beings are more complex than that. And besides, if a man allows a woman to be a recipient of his wealth and enjoys the company she provides then who is to say this is a bad thing? Even if that woman is hanging out in the places where entertainers or pro ballers hang just to meet a man of means, that man still has choice. So how is the a bad girl? It takes two to tango. There are no victims and no villains. We are all choosing.
I find myself asking these basic four questions:
- What is a man’s responsibility to a woman whom he is making love to?
- What is a woman’s responsibility to a man she is making love to?
- What is the natural feminine posture in a relationship with male?
- What is the natural masculine posture in a relationship with female?
Now these questions are by far not answerable in one simple post. In fact, I would love to hear your thoughts. But this question can be answered when we study JujuMama’s Gender Harmonics.
In conclusion, we have to stop going about labeling human beings for being who they are or doing what they are doing. What do you think?
JujuMama xoxoxox
I think that what makes a woman a gold digger is that she only wants the man for his money and is not attached to him for anything else !! of course it is ok for a woman to want to be with a man because he can provide financially for her that is apart of his job but in the same some men want women who are independent so that she does not totally depend on him for her needs. but honestly digging for gold is not bad it's what you do once you find that gold that's telling of your true intentions :O)
I agree w/ Queen Pandora on tha above.
As a man who put to the side much of what he was doing to go into the cubicle world for a decade to work on the dream of a mate, I see no problem.
Thing is one must define wealth. The $$$ I kicked in held down a mortgae plus; but as I have since been told by this wonderful woman it was the years of "spiritual knowledge" freely given at any point that made me truly wealthy.
(cont'd) I have spent most of my life apprenticed to maestros of the spiritual world. As a journeyman I know that this wealth was judged as such by many would be partners & lovers. I never charged a dime either & not just because the sadiq, the poor righteous teacher had been my model. For a woman sharing her mind, body ( & don't let it get into spirit & soul ) how could I not give in the best currency there was to give: the hard won, hard fought knowledge I had gathered over 25 years?
"digging for gold is not bad it's what you do once you find that gold that's telling of your true intentions :O) "
Again Queen Pandora, agreement. Now on the flip: it ain't bad when a Queen does that the other way–provided that the man in question is in it to provide back. Nothing wrong with a man making it sweet when it's woman warrior time & being man enough to handle the dinner, the children, the foot rub & the love when the ahosi comes home!
As always Juju good head food.
Love's gonna be excellent tonight!
Ernesto
I think everyone should hold their own, either man or woman – this is the 21st century. Just because a woman is in the corporate world attaining her goals does not make her manly. There is a huge misconstrues ion there. All in all, if a woman is looking to be supported then she is a gold digger. We no longer need physical attributes to live a good life. All we need is intelligence and rational. I am going to say that many women have these attributes and can maintain a good life for themselves. If a potential mate is looking at my financial stability the question that will come to my mind will be, What can you bring to the table for me?. Women who want money from a relationship = gold digger
Exchanging money for sex: prostitution. That's fine as long it has been defined in your relationship (i.e. no one is misleading anyone). If love is not at the top of the list, do not get married. True love has the need to be the only requirement in a truly loving relationship. If there are other benefits to a marriage, that's fine, but they're not required in a marriage.
There are many kinds of relationships, including marriage. Your's does not fit that type of relationship.
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