Many believe that Jujumama goes hard on the women.  Some believe I go hard on the guys.  Lesbians think I am hetero centered and I have not heard from any gay men, so I don’t know… but I am in the center of all of that so please get it straight.  I go hard on Western Cultural relationships.  They do not work – for the most part… and stats prove it.  A 60% divorce rate – for the most part.  Yes?

Anywhoooo.  I have to crack open another double standard tonight. My husband is so wise, he really put all of this into perspective for me… so now I can talk about what he taught me. Western culture is male based and so this one is sort of ‘to be expected’.  When I say this, I mean we live in a lovely patriarchal culture where male power is seen as the most relevant form of power… ie talking, action, leadership, negotiation, sacrifice, are seen as the only form of ‘powerful’.  But because of this,  men get the short end of the stick in many matters of the heart. For instance…

For instance – divorce – I see it all of the time.  Women get upset at the man because he is ‘acting out’…  Maybe he has withdrawn, become passive aggressive, or physically abusive, verbally abusive, even dismissive.  And women, you know us lovely, angelic, creatures, we want a divorce!  Right?  But often, the men began going to the strip club, “cheating” (which is the silliest concept I ever heard in my life) or being violent, passive aggressive, or otherwise ‘badly behaved’ based on other circumstances.  Circumstances that involve women…

Let me explain before you click away.

What I am saying is that because this culture is male based, meaning male power is the only recognizable form of power, men get the blame when a relationship goes sour!  Do you understand that?  Female power is different, it’s silent, hidden, internal, mental, emotional and so forth… so she of course plays a role in any sour relationship, but the men are external in nature, his actions are less hidden, more overt than a female.  So many women after experiencing his overt power and trying to fight back with male overt power (talking, fussing, setting rules, and so forth…) simply give up!

Oh yeah, he is just a DAWG!  Right?  LOL!  But it takes two to tango, baby, and I do not buy the notion that men are just fuck ups.  No way!

There are misdemeanors on both sides.  For instance, let’s talk about “cheating” or even emotional affairs.  Lets talk about that.  Although 66% of all American marriages have adulterous affairs laced throughout, men are usually the ones caught red handed for this.  However, women are just as guilty of practicing this form of “universal Love” as men!  However, due to the fact that society is male centered, and men have historically been expected, or even encouraged to participate in extra affairs outside the relationship, women have had to become sly.  Why?  Well, historically, being that this is a male centered society, women have been castigated more severely when found out!  So we have developed super radar.  Where men, on the other hand, do not cover tracks as well…  How are women so good at covering tracks?  Well we have cellular memories of being stoned in the street or killed outright for adultery.  We don’t want that!  And we are more internal by nature, we can work the internal mechanisms that cloak us in ways men cannot.  It is a basic difference between male and female energy.

Oh no – don’t stop me ladies.  I am going to tell the truth!  LOL!  Because of the ridiculous, patriarchal, notion that ALL women are “naturally” monogamous and that we do not have desire for more than one, and because of our own accepted brainwashing – that if we “cheat” we are simply whores – women have had to learn to lie better than men.  Women are so good at lying that we lie even to ourselves “nothing is going on, I love you, I only want you – yes you my dear…”.  But really we have explored outside relationships, even participated in similar emotional affairs or actual affairs under the guise that “he is probably doing it and besides, I want some attention”.  Even our romance novels, television watching and star fucking are satisfying affairs for us and we can be content with these just as a man becomes satisfied more readily by an outside affair!

Remember, men are more physical in nature, so they need physical stimuli to fully appreciate a sensual exploit.  Women are mental/emotional in nature and can enjoy fantasies to the extent that it feels like we actually had the affair!  You see?

But guess what?  A woman will rarely get caught in an actual emotional or physical affair…  and if she does, she can out talk to her man and simply make the whole thing look like a stupid mistake on his part!  She is pent up and angry anyways that she can’t get the love/sex she craves from him and/or she is sexually in heat most of the time or worse yet, has low libido due to having to stuff her natural (higher than any man’s) sexual energy away for so many centuries!  Don’t forget that 78% of American women are non-orgasmic.  IF this were the case with men, there would be a national emergency code red!

But too bad guys, when we live in a place that condones male behavior, or males desires for ‘extra side booty and love’, then we have to expect that men are going to be ripped apart more readily for meeting these needs than women simply due to the fact that men get sloppy with it…. due to their nature as men (external).

Women have had to learn to go below the radar.  But that is not our fault – men or women.  This culture is male centered so men get punished way more often than women for the same behaviors.  If we want to change it, we have to shift our consciousness and see that both male and female power are both highly powerful!  Different but powerful!

Lets look at another example.  Lets look at mental vs physical abuse.  Mental abuse is a form of abuse that entails one person dominating the other with words or emotion.  Now this is rarely something you see in the news.  But I am a relationships coach so I see it all of the time.  Men are required to sit still and listen to endless bickering from his woman.  I know women who literally curse their men out, call them stupid, dumb, fat, lazy and so forth to no avail.  I know women who do less, they simply take on all tasks exuding the aura that the man is too dumb to help and then they are perpetually angry with the man without giving him the opportunity to do anything right.  He is always wrong.  This is mental abuse.  Men are not allowed to do anything about this.  If they try to verbally battle, they lose.  Why?  Because any woman can out talk a man any day and when we can’t, we just start crying.  Women are simply more verbally oriented than men, it begins very young.  Plus we know our tears are weapons, really, we know that men do not want to hurt us and that inconsolable, angry, tears indicate they have… (I am not talking about vulnerable tears)

If this man were to get up and slap the mess out of this woman when she attempts to out talk him, or nag him or insinuate he is dumb, she could call the police and HE would be at fault.  He should have controlled himself and sat through the lecture and taken the verbal assault.  Sorry ladies, gotta tell it all…

Further, I know woman that flat out hit men!  YES!  I was one of them for the first five years of my marriage.  I would just get angry and hit my husband.  What would happen if he hit me back, oh hell!  I could have that fool arrested.  But could I be arrested for my violence against him?  Nooooo.  But that is what happens when we live in a society that is male centered.

If the society were balanced and acknowledged male and female energy, we would have two sets of rules, one for the man and one for the woman.  It might be just as punishable by law for a woman to abuse her man verbally as it is for a man to abuse his woman physically.  However, this is not the case.

I get so many clients who complain that their husbands are physically and verbally abusive and prone to withdrawal.  But then I look into the situation to find that these two go back and forth verbally and that the female tongue can be just as bothersome, if not worse than his!  In fact, I have had many a female literally cursing a man out and then when I ask about that she says, “well, he was acting like an asshole”.

Now wait a minute.  How can this be?  Why isn’t she responsible for her actions just as he would be in the court of law.  Male based means male based.  If society is set up to accommodate and represent men, then female crimes of the heart go under the radar and are usually not seen as an issue at all, especially by the female perpetrators.

In fact, females sometimes encourage one another: “You need to curse that fool out!”  OK?  So what should he do – sit and listen?  LOL!  Playing with fire.  But in the long run, it will be the male to “go down” in a society that only validates and acknowledges male energy behavior.  If we only validate male behavior then we can only PUNISH male behavior.  We don’t know enough about the female energy, power and behavior to know that she too is in serious violation of basic respect.

Finally, lets take a look at divorce.  This one is a real duzzy.  Why is it that when man and woman divorce, the woman feels as though she should have half of the man’s assets?  Does the man get half of her energy or half of her anything?  And then we say that the sexes should be equal?  But how?  Men are the only ones punished for the mistakes that both man and woman made in the relationship.  YES!  Even if the crime is “cheating” or simply falling out of love, both man and woman are involved!  How could they not be?  They were equal energy doners in the relationship!

So maybe I am making a case for the recognition of female energy, the honoring of the feminine principle in a society that just doesn’t, yet.  If we were to honor, understand, and use female energy, legalities could be put into place that would indite females just as readily as men who do not adhere to the basic statues.  For instance, just as a man cannot hit, a woman should not be allowed to nag.  LMBO!  But as it stands, it is the men who must pay because it is the men who can play.  And when male power is the only power recognized and understood (although barely) in a culture where both men and women exist, then challenges are have to abound.

Sorry guys.  I wish things were different.

Bliss to you!

Juju xoxoxox