Wow – I am so happy for Whitney Houston. And I am really excited for Bobby Brown too. What? Oh, you didn’t expect for me to say that, huh? Well, I said it. I love both of these amazing human beings who agreed to show us all what it looks like to live in a relationship with:
A. No relationships training
B. No relationships support
C. Without consciously taking 100% responsibility for manifesting creation.
Oh yes. Bobby and Whitney are but models to demonstrate to America and Americans what is going on in each of our relationships to some degree or another. They agreed to do it, to show us, to be the model for us to look at, judge, decipher, pontificate over and thus become closer to discovery of our own selves. Kudos Blissed couple! You even did a great little reality show for us to get the inside scoop…
So what have we learned? Let’s begin Lesson ONE.:
The Dumb Down Vs Feminine Receptivity
So Whitney proclaimed that she had to dumb herself down after making the hit movie Bodyguard because Bobby became jealous of her. How often do you hear that? Very often indeed. Many women feel as though they have to become smaller in order to appease their men, especially if she is more “successful” than the man she is with. However, I have a different remedy for women who might feel this way. Maybe Whitney is reading this post and can practice this the next time she attracts this situation. Oh yes, she will attract it again because apparently she has not taken the moral of her story (Lemons) and made use of it (Lemonade).
So what is the difference between dumbing down and being feminine. BIG difference! When Whitney said she dumbed down, she really meant that she recognized Bobby’s alleged “jealousy” and tried to do things that would make him know that she still respects him even as the world gave her respect for her accomplishments. Great! But is it necessary? No. And did she attract his behavior, yes!
Here is how we as woman attract men to show up as envious of us, or even intimidated by us.
- We expect it. We are so fearful of our own light that we second guess ourselves and we feel that everyone will judge us based on our perceived status… And so because we focus on that expectation, we attract the malevolent behavior directly into our lives.
- We look for it. Because of the way we were raised – “don’t brag, don’t be a show off, don’t be so uppity – so forth, we begin to look at our own accomplishments through the lenses of fear. We fear that others will be envious and we look for that behavior in others. When we find it we say “see! Mom was right, people are envious of me” and thereby, we attract what we are looking for (even if only sub-consciously are we looking for it.)
- We refuse to submit to a man. “Successful” women, because of the first two areas of concern, often say to themselves that they do not need a man, or that they can do without a man. Even if they want a “good” man, they fear they will never find one, and they even secretly fear that if they do find one, he will want us to dumb down. And so we attract what we focus on! And when we get into that “terrible” situation with an envious man, we revert back and try to harmonize things by”dumbing down” instead of being naturally receptive and surrendered to him; but it does not work because in essence we are supposed to be getting rid of fear, doubt, and negative thought patterns and submitting naturally to the man! So the dimming down does not work and we say “you see, I tried to submit to him, but it did not work, he abused me”.
In either case and when things don’t work out – Its time for the blame game. So old paradigm! Let’s take a lesson from Whitney. She had several options when faced with the jealousy that she expected and thus created in a mate. She could have:
- worked on the fears that she had about people being jealous of her, eradicated these from her thinking
- exercised feminine receptivity and surrender which is more natural and authentic than a fake “dumb down”
How does one do these two things?
Well, women and men have fears. Growing up in the good ole USA ensures that we will not honor ourselves and value our talents. Usually parents tell us not to be a show off because others will be upset. All of this is non-sense. But it is sown into our sub-conscious minds young. So we have to reach into the sub-conscious mind and work those fears away. This is done through meditation, trance, deep thought, artistic healing, tantric healing and a process I created called Lacing. The sub-conscious mind does not understand language. It understands music, emotion, feeling, art, scent and visions. So this is how you can retrain the brain to be fearless and thus attract fearless individuals!
In terms of being feminine authentically. There are many ways to do this. First and foremost, it is allowing your man to be the leader of the household. Even with Whitney’s great “success” she would have to depend on Bobby to be her guard and guide. Now this may have been difficult because she had management staff for this. But he would have to be placed into a major role of governance in order to feel a part of things. Instead of “dumbing down” if she had placed him is a role of leader and guide, asking him questions about what directions she should take, honoring his opinion and advice, depending on him for certain tasks like financial management, and protection, he would have felt quite at home in her life.
Instead, he was a boy. She attracted him that way. But the way to grow a jealous boy into an honorable man is to honor him. Not dumb down, but honor him as a man. Need him! You know? She would have had to depend on him for specific things and allowed him to grow into that role. All the while, complementing him and supporting him with soft, warm, embracing feminine magic!
Does it still seem abstract? Well, here is a list of practical things that we ladies can do to create in any man that dignity that we adore. We can make any man hospitable and giving by taking these steps.
- No matter how much money you make, allow your man to take the lead on how the money is spent, paying the bills, managing the finances.
- Go to your man with all questions concerning direction and ask him what to do. Let his wisdom unfold upon you. Men are very wise (as are women, but more so because of intuition, not practical logic)
- Compliment your man when he has made a choice, tell him how well following his advice worked for you and thank him for the advice and support.
- Submit to your man in the bedroom, try not to make sex happen on your own terms all of the time. If he initiated sex, go with it and ENJOY him! Tell him how much he pleases you (even if he does not) Recall the law of attraction. If you are focused on enjoying him then eventually he will become very enjoyable in the bed. If you are focused on how he does not measure up then you will attract more and more distance and turmoil int he bedroom.
Do you have to do these things? Hell no! But should you do them if you want a harmonious union, indeed you should and can! We can help. Come to us for Love Coaching… Read our Books – Change Your Man or Tame Your Woman!
Bliss and Light!