A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.
John Steinbeck

I LOVE marriage and am an advocate for Mono-Harmonious couples!  I have been married 14 years and I love the idea of having a life partner.  Today I have made time to write a piece that will answer any questions for those who desire to know what JujuMama LLC – a love coaching company – feels about Monogamy – today I respond in full… This is going to be fun!

Webster’s Dictionary Refers To Monogamy with three definitions:

Definition of MONOGAMY

In current usage monogamy often refers to having one sexual partner irrespective of marriage or reproduction.

Most individuals in Westernized countries are not Monogamous, but Serial Monogamist:

Serial monogamy is characterized by a series of long- or short-term, exclusive sexual relationships entered into consecutively over the lifespan.

Critics of monogamy, such as author and commentator Andrew Sullivan, argue that it involves a damaging self-denial that pushes people out of their natural instincts and that it can be psychologically damaging.

I am not a critic of Serial Monogamy or Monogamy.  But I do know that neither exists in Western culture.  Why do I say that neither monogamy or serial monogamy exists?  That’s simple, the practice of being sexually exclusive is not adhered to by anyone in this country, even when in a stated sexually monogamous or committed relationship, and I can prove it easily…

And keep in mind, I will also share my idea of how we can fix monogamy, with a my sustainable relationship model I introduce here, called Mono-Hamrony.  Read On!

So first to easily prove that none of us are monogamous, even serially…

The number one search term on the internet is SEX. Individuals who call themselves “exclusive” with their partner – which is most of us – are willing to put their sexual energy (the most powerful force in the world) into the hands of porn stars, escorts, strippers, romance novels, celebrity fantasies, social networking hook ups, and so forth.  Are we physically having sex with these entities?  No, we’re doing something even more intimate!  We’re allowing these images space in our mental realm – everyone who knows anything about the actual psychology of sex knows that sex is most importantly, an energy exchange.  So the modern human is sharing sexual energy with more people than ever before!  This goes for men and women, believe it or not.

For those who say, “ohhhh Kenya, this is bullshit, sex doesn’t matter unless there is physical touch”.  I feel for you.  It means you did not read your owner’s manual:  the mind does not know the difference between what is imagined and what actually happens. If you missed out on that, then you also might not be privy to the fact: what we think about, we bring about! So as long as I make love to porn movies, enjoy romance novels and literally get off to and with people other than my primary mate, I am literally in an act of sex with them, it’s safer sex sure, but it is sex nonetheless.

If you do not agree that sharing sexual energy with someone beyond a mate is “cheating” then you do not understand what sex is.  10% of sex is intercourse – the other 90% is the energetic exchange that, although invisible, is the most powerful, important and viable aspect of the sexual act, indeed, the most ‘intimate’ portion of the act.  With you and your partner sharing this intimate space with so many others, sometimes unknowingly, there is no wonder we have issues connecting!  I recall wanting an orgasm in my 20′s and having to think of a porn image to get off with my husband!  I had more connection to that PORN image than to the fact that I was in the bed with my husband.  Those connections are strong and real!

I, like you, like all of us, was sharing my mental/sensual energy outside my partnership,  I literally had a sexual relationship with these outside forces, as do we all.  Thus, I was not living the very principles that would make me monogamous or even serially monogamous.  Right?

The underlying issue and reason for the mix up here is the fact that Western thinkers have discounted the idea that energy is real.  Our acute focus on the physical has created many inherent contradictions in our medicine, science, technology and cultural practices.  But this is a more involved point that we will discuss at length another time.

For our purpose today, let us focus on Monogamy and a new concept I created called Mono-Harmony…

Needless to say, human beings are not monogamous.  However, if we insist on using this word to describe our modern form of marital arrangement, then we have a predicament on our hands, especially from the standpoint of looking at the stats, 66% of those married have cheated on a spouse.  It’s time to redefine the modern relationship to make it more sustainable.

My husband and I have created some preliminary ideas around marriage.  We call it Mono-Harmony.  Used as a adjective, human beings are Mono-Harmonic.  IE we crave one on one partnerships with other humans.  We enjoy the benefits and comfort of partnering.  Precluding desires for sex (which is not the basis of a mono-harmonic partnership) we desire to be supported, witnessed, connected to, and close to human beings in one on one relationships for the purpose of Growth.

What is growth? Growth is a soul level desire to expand oneself beyond the limitations of oneself.  Human beings desire to EXPAND.  We desire to evolve over the course of a lifetime.  This desire is hard-wired in the human being and will never be replaced by anything more powerful.  This desire to grow or expand creates the natural instincts we share:  desire for acknowledgment, desire for food and water, desire for shelter, desire for reproduction (pleasure).  <<— These four factor SUPPORT expansion.  IE without these, our capability to GROW is severely altered.

A young baby will die without these basic needs being met.  A baby who is not acknowledged properly (hugs, touch, cuddling) will become sullen and suffer decreased mental and physical health.  Same if he or she is not given the proper foods, shelter and of course the baby would not exist if he or she is born without reproductive capacity – btw babies can feel pleasure and do so when they have a bowl movement.  The pleasure principle and mini-orgasm is a part of the removal of bowls.  For babies, this is the first orgasm and will advance to the other forms of orgasmic capability.

So having a life partner/s who will support us in obtaining these four support tools to growth over the course of a lifetime is critical.  These needs should be consistently met for all human beings on the planet, or insanity or death (illness) result.  Case in point, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and other ailments are the most prevalent in cultures where the divorce rate is highest.  These illnesses are at their lowest in cultures that highly support one another mentally and physically and in cultures where there is communal love and nurturing environments.

So what!  Right?  SO we need these four building blocks to live a life where we GROW and EXPAND beyond ourselves constantly… so what!!!  What does this have to do with monogamy.  And what is Mono-Harmony???

We’re getting there… here, let this flower energy calm you down…

In more recent history, the idea that was born of these basic human needs is monogamy.  The “traditional” Western marriage is a young concept,  with an older parent principle.  Due to time we will not discuss that root here, but see Sex At Dawn: The Pre-Historic Origins of Modern Sexuality. The thesis is that monogamous marriage is something that developed in the age of agriculture and subsequent ownership of personal land.  Once land was in the hands of male property owners, the notion of owning this land after death came into play.  Men needed to know who their children were, and thus, needed to own a woman and ensure her sexual fidelity to himself.  The bloodline, which had been passed through the female for thousands of years prior, came to be passed through the male, hence your last name is that of your father, rather than your mother.  Monogamous Marriage was born!  (But at that same moment, prostitution was created by men who never intending monogamy for themselves)…

And so here we are, seeking new models for relating as Monogamy fails all around the world.  And NO – Mono-Harmony is not about having sex with many people.  But let’s see what it is about…

Enter the idea of Mono-Harmony…

Mono-Harmony is a concept JujuMama created, born of necessity, as traditional monogamy has proven unsustainable.  Keep in mind, Mono-Harmony is a concept based around the couples sexual choices (ie polygamy, “monogamy”, polyandry, polyamory etc) Men and women living in modern culture have attempted to live by this system and have continually failed.  The divorce rate stands at 69% in Australia, 57% in Europe and 55% in the USA.  The country with the lowest divorce rate is Shi Lanka with a divorce rate of just under 15%.  Cuba has the very highest divorce rate, standing at a whopping 77%!

What’s more stunning is that 95% of worldwide divorces are evoked by the wife!  I’d bet that 95% of those same marriages were evoked by the woman… giggle.

This speaks to the problem, let’s focus on the solution.

The reasons sited for divorces in the USA are many.  Here are the top four:

• Poor communication
• Financial problems
• A lack of commitment to the marriage
• Infidelity

We believe that the top four causes of divorce are all eradicated when a couple practices Mono-Harmony.

Mono-Harmony has four parts:

1.  Gender Harmonics – understanding of the eight gender roles and adapting them into the union.

2.  Sensual Harmonics - understanding the tantra arts and using sex for healing and manifestation.

3.  Progressive Harmonics – understanding the purpose of relating and processing challenges through this lens.

4.  Integrative Harmonics – How to integrate these areas and USE these principles beyond intellectually.

So, the focus of the NEW Mono-harmonious couple is formulating a viable working unit to produce GROWTH or EXPANSION.

Recall that this is  a basic human need —->>> EVOLUTION

So when relationships do not evolve us, or when we are not allowing a relationship to evolve us, the relationship stagnates and then falls apart.  Hence, the staggering divorce rate…

Mono-Harmonics will prevent this!

Article To Be Continued…

Mono~Harmonics | The NEW Blue Print Part II