I couldn’t sleep last night. I woke up around 3:30am with this realization about myself. Well, it wasn’t so clear it was a realization about myself because it had to do with a conversation I had earlier that night. It wasn’t the topic of the conversation so much as what wasn’t said and it wasn’t so much what wasn’t said as the way it wasn’t said. Ever talk to someone and you steer the conversation in such a way as to not even go toward the topic that you don’t want to lie about overtly or face or be confronted with? And you could be having a deep conversation about some really personal stuff and be going there and getting all emotional and everything, but you purposefully steer the conversation away from something you don’t want to deal with yet or ever for that matter. And not only do you steer the conversation away from that topic or reality, but you use anesthesia on the person. Yeah, anesthesia. You know, it’s like giving them this intense painkiller or sleeping medication so they won’t sense or even feel what you are steering them away from. It’s like the movie InceptionTM where they go into someone’s mind and plant a subconscious belief about a reality they want that person to accept without the person even knowing it. Good movie by the way.
So the conversation you’re having is actually two conversations; the second conversation is the one you are having with the person, but the first one you are having is with yourself. It’s the strategic conversation you’re having in your head that’s telling you what to say and what not to say as to not wake the sleeping giant and draw attention to yourself. It’s like the whole time you’re thinking how can I end this convo without <person’s name> asking me any specifics about later tonight or whatever it is you want to hide.
I looked up the definition of anesthesia and here’s what it said.
Anesthesia: loss of sensation with or without loss of consciousness
from Greek anaisthēsia insensibility, from a- + aisthēsis perception, from aisthanesthai to perceive
So the origin of the word anesthesia has everything to do with sensation, perception, awareness, consciousness. I mean, when you get anesthesia for surgery it’s so you’re not aware they are cutting you open and that you are in fact in pain. It means, you would rather suffer the pain at a latter date in a different way. That’s right, the pain is still there, but a lot of it is locked into your subconscious for you to deal with at a latter date. It’s like putting pain in the bank to be withdrawn at a latter date. Hopefully, the Universe doesn’t do a surprise bank draft because then it gets ugly. I’ll discuss this in Part “Deuces” of this article.
Anyway, anyone who has had surgery (C-section included) can attest to the mental, emotional, and physical pain suffered after you ‘wake-up’. The bottom line is it still hurts.
I used to use anesthesia all the time as a child because I didn’t want to get the crap kicked out of me at school. If I were walking down the hallway and saw the school bully I might engage him in conversation to keep his mind off of kicking my ass. The conversation might go like this:
Me: “Yo Brian, those are some fly kicks. Where’d you get those?” – true statement, sincere question, false intent
Brian: “I better not see you go out and get these same jonts. I’m the only one in the school with these. You keep sporting those no name sneaks from TJ Maxx.”
Me: Laughing “Yeah. You know I can’t afford those.” – true statement and anesthesia
Brian: Laughing and thinking to himself he really got me good
I didn’t mind Brian laughing at me as long as he didn’t ball his fist up and punch me in the chest. My goal is to keep the dude at bay and relaxed. My last statement was an anesthesia statement because it was designed to take his awareness off of physical violence. I did this all the time in school with teachers, my parents, you name it. It’s basically stating truths, but with a specific intention not related to the truth. It’s a lie, but it’s what I call a feminine type of lie because it’s not overt. Richard Pryor said it best when he went to penitentiary. He said he told jokes and made those guys laugh the whole time he was in there to keep their minds off the booty.
The masculine lie is overt because it hides a truth with an untruth. The feminine lie hides the truth by concealing the topic all together. That’s why men tend to get caught “cheating” on their mates because they give women something to analyze.
Husband: “Honey, I’m going out with the fellas to the basketball game. George got tickets from his job and wanted me to go. I’ll be home around midnight.”
This is what I call an overt or masculine lie. It’s painting a complete picture with words as to provide a visual that you want someone to believe, but you don’t believe it yourself. Not only is this particular statement false, but within the statement there are like five falsehoods.
–going out with the fellas – false
–going to a game – false
–going to a basketball game – false
–George got tickets – false
–George got tickets from work – false
–George wanted me to go – false
If any one of those turns up incorrect my man is toast. Here is what a woman would say.
Wife: “I’m going to dinner with Jessica and Sandy.”
True statement. It’s an anesthesia statement. Her husband’s mind is at ease AND there’s nothing for him to really analyze. And what she said is all true. She went to dinner with her girls. What she left out was after dinner was over she jumped in the SUV with Tom for some back seat fun; foggy window style. And it’s all the same in the end, but it’s important to recognize how we tend to operate.
So I saw myself last night. I woke up and realized I had been put to sleep and tucked in for the night and the truth is, it hurt. Once I woke up and realized I was just operated upon; it hurt. How did I know I was given anesthesia? Well, I’m intuitive by nature so things just come to me, which is what happened in this case. I just woke up with that realization. But the most important thing is that I recognized the behavior because I do it still today. That’s a real bummer too because I have been working on this for a while, but the fact I saw this so clearly in another person’s conversation with me indicates I’ve still got it. And not only that, it doesn’t feel good to be on the other end. Man. Ok, well, lesson learned, now back to the drawing board. I have a TON of work to do. I have to tame the woman within me who uses anesthesia on others rather than just deal with the truth of a situation right there on the spot.