If you read the first Anesthesia post you know I put zero detail in it regarding who and how I had the experience with that led me to write the post. I mean zero. I didn’t even imply that I was talking about anyone in particular. Needless to say, I’ve been confronted twice about the post.
So when I wrote the first part of the post and let Kenya K look it over she said, “Great post. Where’s the rest of it?” What do you mean; there is a part 2 coming? She said, “You left out all the gory details. What happened to make you write that?”.
Exactamundo my dear. I wasn’t trying to put names and dates out there. First off, it’s not necessary to do that to get the message across. Also, the fact that Kenya asked for the details proved the point of my post. What she was basically saying was, “Is this post about ME??????”
That – my friends – is the crux of these Anesthesia posts.
PEOPLE are always hungry to know:
- WHO MADE YOU FEEL THIS WAY?!
- WHAT MADE YOU FEEL THIS WAY?!
- WHEN DID YOU FEEL THIS WAY?!
- WHY DID YOU FEEL THIS WAY?!
- DID I MAKE YOU FEEL THIS WAY?!
- HOW DOES YOUR FEELING EFFECT YOU AND ME?!
Check out how I use the punctuation here folks because these aren’t just questions, but demands. This isn’t the mother talking to her five year old who is saying, “who made you feel this way, honey?” No, this is the mother talking to her five-year-old son saying, “Who in HOLY HELL made MY son feel this way?!!!! They will pay and experience a wrath like no other!!!” Watch out now
Can you see where I’m going with this? No? Ok, keep reading, because it gets deeper.
Now I haven’t really posted a lot on jujumamablog.com – I’m fairly new here. I’m like a virgin of sorts (so be gentle). I’m admitting that I’m not fully ‘broken in’ yet. Writing on a blog where mostly women are reading and where the men who do read are mostly silent because they don’t want their boys to know they read JujuMama…
JujuMama Male reader’s “friend”: Man, are you some kind a fairy or something? Why you reading that feminine law of attraction, self-empowerment bullshit? Here’s a copy of Vibe magazine. Now this is some good shit right here! Look at the titties on this b*#$ right here. Now that’s what’s up.
JujuMama Male Reader Not Really Wanting to Be Identified: Nah you know, they got some decent stuff on there, plus, Kenya K has this tight little frame and she’s good to go on a regular. Plus, the brother, Rakhem posts some stuff too. He’s got a book and what not.
JujuMama Male Reader’s “friend”: What?! Man, you’re loosing your edge holmes. Next thing I know you’ll be talking about moving to Atlanta. Pull yourself together before I report you to the Homeboy Authorities.
Ok, ok. Let me get back on track here. I had a personal moment playing with the idea of JujuMama readers being male and proud of it!
SECOND CONFRONTATION (for real this time)
So I’m talking to my girlfriend and she asks me, “So, is the Anesthesia post about us?”
I’m laughing to myself hysterically when she asked me and trying to use anesthesia on her. I’m pretending not to be totally coherent (You know that sleep fake anesthesia, right?) because I don’t want to go all into the details of my subconscious mind with her… and because I’m like damn why does it matter? And I’m like damn, what even made you think it was about you/us (knowing it was the first article post). Like I said, I left no clues at all in the post or so I thought. “Not really, it’s more about me.” which was an Anesthesia statement, technically true, but not everything she was looking for.
I have always dated super smart, intelligent, and perceptive women in my life. My girlfriend is no different. She’s uber smart and perceptive and aware and in touch with how she feels and how people around her feel and all that stuff. Oh, did I mention she asked me before she even read the post? Ok, well she did.
BOOK MARK #1 – I’m going to refer to this point later in the post so I’m book marking it.
So we talked about it. This was all inspired by a series of conversations we had about dating others. The big question she asked me was, “Do you want to know if I date other guys?” I didn’t care if she told me, but we decided NOT to share details of our other loves with each other; it took us a while (days) to get to that actually. So here is where the anesthesia comes in; having conversations about your day, your evening without going into the fact that part of the evening was spent in the back seat of the van with Jacob or Michael or Jacob and Michael. Now there’s an awkward moment. We’re not going to talk about other lovers, dates, etc. Hmm…
Lover A: So baby, how was your night last night?
Lover B: It was good.
Lover A: Great! Anything exciting happen?
Lover B: Nah. It was pretty laid back.
Lover A: Oh, great. I was just wondering because you usually call around 9 or so, but I didn’t here from you.
Lover B: Oh yeah. Well, that was the thing, but it was cool.
Lover A: What?
Lover B: Yeah, I’m just saying, everything worked out great.
Lover A: What?
Lover B: Ok, let me get them off the trail here. It’s anesthesia time. “Well, I went out to grab some dinner and just stayed out in the city for a few hours. (true) When I got home I was pretty exhausted…” (It felt like I had been boning doggy style in a tight back seat for about 30 minutes mostly fully dressed with no ventilation and no legroom. Oh yeah, I was; almost forgot the truth there.) “…so I just hit the hay. But all-in-all it was a good night.”
Lover A: “Oh, ok. That sounds like fun.”
Lover B: More than you know.
Note: Don’t draw any conclusions on who is Lover A or who is Lover B. I made this genderless on purpose. I know you’re thinking Rakhem is Lover B; has to be (no pun). Just relax. That said, I can really feel where Lover B is coming from.
So anesthesia? Yes, I guess so. It’s the only way in a situation like this.
Kenya and I always talk about being completely open and we are, but the truth is we sedate each other quite often. I didn’t find out that she had orgasms like she did with David until her blog post came out like seven months later. Our conversations would go like this:
Rakhem: “Hey bukes. Did you and David have a good time?”
Kenya: “Yeah, we had fun. He’s really took care of me.”
Translation: “Yeah, we had a blast hanging out in the streets all night, then we went back to his house where he fucked the dog shit out of me. I came for like four hours straight just by him rubbing my titties. Damn! Can I go back tomorrow night? You got the kids, right?”
So what’s the moral of the story? Well, I guess it’s that most people aren’t ready for complete honesty. They/we can’t handle the whole truth; therefore, we don’t tell others the whole truth. This is true for both men and women and not just those in open relationship situations, but everyone.
My next posts will be about men’s struggles with the open relationship paradigm. My girlfriend didn’t want to tell me about her dating because she sensed that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Kenya always says that men are no where near ready for open relationships. The truth is men do have special challenges with ownership, ego, etc. Our mental apparatus is not built to handle a broad range of complex issues; especially, those around love, self-worth, emotion, and relating to others. Stay tuned!
Wait, I got off track again. Everything that follows picks up from BOOK MARK #1 above.
But what people need to realize when they read my posts or Kenya’s posts or anyone else for that matter is that these posts are all about me/us/the writer. They’re about my feelings, my perceptions, my experiences, my perspective, etc. No one did anything to me to make me feel the way I do. I did. Even if I do write about Kenya or a girlfriend or whoever, my experience is the only one I can speak too with any amount of accuracy or validity and trust me, that’s hard enough.
But this taught me the lesson of the Anesthesia post itself. This showed me why people use anesthesia in the first place. The mental pressure is just too much for people to handle. They have to know how they made you feel or how they affected you or how he made you feel or how she affected you.
Because we were raised to live in the OLD paradigm of shame and blame, victims and villains, cop outs and drops where the purpose of relating is happiness; thus, how I make you feel is of the utmost importance to me. Because if I make you feel bad, I must be a bad person and if you make me feel bad you must be a bad person. You become responsible and accountable; the one I can blame. Conversely, if I make you feel good then I’m a good person and if you make me feel good then you’re a good person.
But the truth is, I can’t make you feel good or bad. I can’t. No matter how hard I try I will never have control over your being, spirit, and emotions enough to do that. Even if you give me that control; it’s still you giving it to me. No, I’m not crazy. It’s the truth. Only you can dictate what happiness feels like to you. Only you can dictate what pain feels like to you. Only you can define good, evil, wealth, poverty, health, sickness, a great place to live versus a whack one. And why would you rather have it any other way? Why not be the creator and master of your life instead of being a puppet to others?
So in the OLD paradigm, if I can make you feel bad and that making you feel bad defines me as a bad person then I may be tempted to use anesthesia on you whenever being the REAL me makes you feel bad. You know, the me I really want to be. The me that makes me happy like for real. I can’t be defined that way (as bad). I won’t be defined that way. Here sweetie, let me sedate you. Hmm let me see. Oh, I got it. Baby, I’m going to the sports bar with Jack. We’re gonna watch the football game on the big screen.
Translation: I’m going to the sports bar with Jack to watch some of the game. When I’m done there I’m going to the Black Velvet lounge with Tyrone. I’m hoping to run into this cute Ethiopian hottie so that I can get some Ethiopian head in the men’s room – in the same exact way she gave it to me last week. Ethiopian styles. Nice!
The OLD paradigm creates the vicious cycle in relating. Just something to think about.
Have you used anesthesia on a loved one?