Dear Delicious Man,
This letter finds me with you again, for the second time, pleading with you to do this the right way if you want the damned thing done. First, I would highly advise you read my first letter to men who want more than one woman. Find it here. I’m talking about having multiple love partners and how to make it work better for you. So read the Part One first and then proceed here:
First things first. If you have a woman, and another one or few on the side, you really need to take heed to this post. You are going to get caught. Getting caught is not fun. Trust me, I know a few men who have gotten caught in a myriad of lies. Its difficult to repair things once this happens.
So here is the deal. I’m going to mention three possible scenarios:
Scenario One: You have a main woman. You have one /or a few on the side. Main woman doesn’t know, other women know about wifey, but not that you have more beyond her… It’s time. They all must know the truth! Would you agree?
This one is fairly simple. In order to tell them each the truth and keep the relationships in tact, you must have your powerful masculine energy. I’d advise reading Tame Your Woman by Carl Stevens! The only reason you haven’t told all of your women is because you feel they’ll shut you down – which they will if they find out the wrong way – so it’s time to come clean.
What you have to do is let each of them know the deal. This will support your goals in the long term. You will be able to have guilt free sensual freedom as well as enjoy the women in your lives more fully without having to lie to them any longer. Mentally, you will feel at ease.
Here is an easy way to break the news. Take your woman to a public location. Let her know that you have something very serious to discuss. Let her know you have been thinking about this for some time and you need her to just listen. Tell her you love her and you want to be with her forever. Ask her to wear something beautiful, maybe give her money to have her hair done. Make the evening build up fabulous!
When you sit her down at the restaurant, don’t just dive right into it. This is not a game, you have to be really smooth. Don’t allow her to smile and get real giddy. And NO DRINKS! You don’t want her to be tipsy and start a loud scene. Tell her this is very serious and that you really need her full attention, this is not a laughing matter. Once she is settled, talk to her about you.
Tell her some of the stories from your former relationships, maybe you’ve always had another woman on the side, tell her what you truly want as a man on the planet. Tell her that she may not like what she is hearing, but that you want her to know you, so that you two can be closer…
Help her to understand YOU. Tell her that you love her deeply and by no means is this a break up, but you have to tell her that this is very important. PLEASE DO NOT say that you want to come clean. You haven’t done anything wrong, you don’t want to give her a reason to think you are doing something wrong, because you are NOT. You are doing something she has no idea about and you want to let her into your world… yeah, say that. You want to let her into your real self, your real world.
Now take note… this is very important. You are not asking her if you can continue with these women. You are telling her that this is who you are and you are needing her to know you and accept you. Tell her that you need her to respect you, even if only for this minute so you can talk about YOU!
So look her in the eye and tell her that you are in love with more than just one woman. You are actually currently involved with another/ or several women. Now, don’t let her talk. She is going to try to flip out. Shush her and ask her to let you finish. You have to stay in control of this! Use your masculine power. Take her hand and tell her that you have to complete the thought. If she pulls away, ask for respect, once again… you can do this! You deserve respect. You haven’t done anything wrong, you just haven’t done everything you need to do yet, you need to tell the truth. That is what women say they want, right? And we do, we may not handle it well at first, but this is better than a lie, trust me…
Tell her that you do not intend to ever leave her. You are actually deeply in love with her. Tell her she has nothing to worry about and that her time will not be compromised. In fact, you’re going to dedicate more time to her than ever, especially if she understands you and allows you your freedom. Tell her you are committed to her, and that this is not something that will ruin the relationship, in fact this should make the relationship better. Good!
Now for the most important step. Keep her quiet so you can say this. DO NOT LET HER TALK… Now you are going to give her permission to have more than just one man as well! YES!! I said it! You can’t sit there and think for one minute that you are going to be the only one to have this kind of privileges. Right? She too has to be granted permission to enjoy whomever she wants. If you think she should not do the same as you, then you are really deluded and you probably should break up with your other women because you not right. But remember, do not let her talk. Ask that she waits until you finish and you will listen to her… but tell her she has to keep it cool. There is no reason to yell, or become irate. Ask for respect…
Remind her that even if she has other men, you will still be in love with her. Tell her you want her to have the same freedom you do, AND you want to be committed to her… Tell her you will still respect her and so forth. You will be with her forever. In fact, this is a good time to talk marriage if you are not married, and tell her that this could be life altering for you both! Tell her you want to be with her forever and repeat this over and over again. But tell her that you want both of you to be free…
Emergency Therapy: If she flips out, which is highly likely. Bring her to you, do not get emotional with her, do not start to yell. Pull her to you. If she pushes you away and gets up to leave, follow her. Bring cash so that you can pay the bill and run out of the restaurant if need be. Do not wimp out. This is not easy for her. Chase her and catch her and grab her and bring her into your body. She will not resist forever. If she is crying, wipe her tears (bring a napkin or handkerchief). If she tries to wing on you, hold her. She is smaller than you. No need to be afraid of her emotion… none at all. She is programmed to behave this way, just as you were programmed to lie.
The most important thing is that you expect her emotions and stay present with her. She is in shock! You have to understand that she may try to fight you, she may become inconsolable… but this will only last a short while. It may seem like forever, but that’s because you are giving in to her emotion. Do not do that. Stay on top of the wave. The wave will break at the shore.
Surf, man! You know how to do it. This is your time to be fully honest with her.
She is going to ask lots of questions like ‘who is it, when did you start seeing her, what the fuck were you thinking??!!”. Answer all of her questions, no need to pile lie on top of lie. Doesn’t it feel good to finally be telling the truth?
Talk to her as long as she wants to talk. But if she gets unruly, go back to the embrace. Tell her to quiet down… tell her that you are more than willing to talk all night (she’ll love that). If she allows you to go back to her place, don’t try to make love. Just hold her, talk to her, spoon her. She needs an undetermined amount of love at this point. She can’t take this news. She feels like she is being crushed from the inside. You have to be there for her.
She may threaten to break up with you. Be ready. Tell her that you refuse to let her go. Tell her that you are willing to take a break from the others to deal with this with her. You should actually tell the others so that they know you will not be having sex until this is resolved. But you may also be working with all the others as well, so they all get the same therapy, you answer all their questions and you stay present with them.
You may have to talk a great many nights this way. You have to do things that say you care. This is what my husband did to me. I bucked many a night, and he just held me, talked to me, let me know he was going to be there with me through this. Now granted he had not had sex with another, but he was in love… and this was dreadful for me… until I saw him come into his fullness as a man through the experience.
And that brings us to the other scenario… what if you haven’t made love yet?
Scenario Two: If you are not a cheater, and you simply want to get your wife to open, use the same technique as above. Except you aren’t telling her you have already done it. You are telling her you want to do it. You should not really do this until you have studied some of the Jujumama principles, you have more time than a man who has already cheated, so you can read my husband’s book, work through blog posts, try the CnSystems… so forth. You have some time to prepare.
But the principle is the same. The only other thing is that if you have not done it yet, you can offer her the opportunity to go first! This will show her that you are serious. You can tell her that she can actually date, enjoy life, meet men and you will be there for her each and every day and night if need be. Stay in your masculine. Remember, you are not asking her, you are telling her that this is what you desire. Never get into the position of asking her can we do this.
You are going to be patient with her. If she is not ready then so be it. But the topic doesn’t die. You continue to work on her at least once or twice a week bring it up. Be very present with her, do all the chores and so forth you are supposed to do as a man, become even more of a man for her and watch as she blossoms into your plans… watch as she opens little by little…
Don’t be afraid guys. Being honest is righteous, it’s a really wonderful thing to do.
And if worse comes to worse and she doesn’t accept this over a six month period to one year… you may have to revamp the plan. But most women will work into this with you, believe me, they want their freedom too, but they are so afraid to lose you, or to lose your respect and so forth.
Now, in terms of how to deal with your personal shit as she opens up to other men… your insecurity, your jealousy, yeah, all the same shit she will have to contend with… that is a whole separate blog post.
Most importantly, GET HELP before you do this, get a consultation!! We counsel couples in this scenario every single day! We know how to talk to your woman for you, and we know how to support you both. DO not try this without some form of support. You’re going to need it, after you do this, get more support!!! Do not try this without talking to us first!
I hope the women comment on this, but definitely men, I want to know what you think!
No men, this is not a joke, my husband laughed all the way through the post as I read it to him… he said that there is no way to avoid the pain, but it’s better than living a lie… xo
Love and Light