Shedding is a valued ritual process I learned when I was working with my friend Shaman Durek. Devastated, I found Durek after the relationship with a love of my life had ended. I felt like I couldn’t breath, like a piece of me had literally torn itself from far deep inside and took off. He was a great love, a great teacher with a terribly painful lesson.
The way he chose to treat himself was how he also treated me… He didn’t feel he deserved the love, so he probably felt I did not either. Still, I wanted him, to be with him, to love and help him understand why he was worthy of deep love. I too wanted him to satisfy this need in me, to be validated. What I saw in him was my own image… I too did not feel I deserved love. I played myself many times over trying to hold on to this one.
Why do we do it? Why do we exist, perpetuate, engage, participate, entertain relationships that appear to be doing nothing to lift us? Many of us often agree to co-exist and carry on in partnerships where we are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and sometimes physically abused. I think many of us become so attached we fear the process of shedding and letting go. But most importantly, we fail to note the ways we created this relationship, the ways we ourselves are reflected in our partners.
On my journey and quest for emotional balance I adopted a philosophy that states, “one attracts what they need, when they need it.” The initial response to this statement might be judgment, swearing up and down that those words make no sense, they don’t apply. “Why would anyone want to be abused” you may be asking.
I don’t think anyone is consciously asking for pain or want to be abused unless they happen to be a self proclaimed masochist. What I do believe happens is that people acquire stories and beliefs passed on from family, peers, educational, societal, and cultural influence. These influences craft belief systems, morals and values. For instance, maybe as a little girl you learned to distrust your fathers’ words because he hardly kept his promises. As a woman you tend to attract men who are liars or at least you think they are. (smile)
Perhaps as a child your mother never forgot to remind you all boys want is one thing. As a grown ass woman you tend to attract men who are great lovers but aren’t all that interested in anything deeper. Based on your programming or repeated messages to your impressionable sub-conscious mind, you developed a belief, anticipate a particular response.
So, before you go “ham”, bogging yourself down with judgment, self-doubt and pity think about what messages you may have accepted and kept with you from childhood. Discover how relationships you have with people who mean the most to you have shaped you. Learn from them, identify patterns, perform your shedding ritual and keep it moving.
New Moon Shedding Ritual
During the new moon write down on a piece of paper, all of the things, people, emotions, habits, thoughts, etc. you want to banish from your life. Fold the paper in half 3x’s then burn it outside and let the ashes go to the wind. Feel free to create your own ritual.
For more assistance with heartbreak, and to do these kinds of processes in a group, join the Handle Heartbreak Course here at JujuMama’s Love Academy!