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Do I Belong With You or Do You Own Me?
As soon as you set foot on a yacht you belong to some man, not to yourself, and you die of boredom. ~Coco Chanel

This morning I was inspired by this clip.  I know this speaks to African American relationships, however the identity issue noted is not about race, or at least very slightly. It’s about our connection to Source.  I believe the greatest issue we face in building successful relationships – of all race – is recognizing, utilizing, and finding solace in our innate status as cosmic beings – our Source connection.  We are Source Energy at our core,  we have all the power within us to create whatever reality we choose.  If we knew this we’d intuit or at least recognize the solutions to our current pandemic love traumas.

I invite you to check the film, let it find you – touch you – no matter what your race.  FInd yourself there somehow, find the ways we are all moving away from self centeredness to Source~centeredness or at least their balance… from ownership love into belonging love.

There are several iterations on the meaning of belonging.

Belong 1

Definition: To be the property of; as, Jamaica belongs to Great Britain.

Belong 2

Definition: To be a part of, or connected with; to be appendant or related;

to owe allegiance or service.

I embrace the second definition.  The first definition is the place we are waking from, the deep slumber of soul that lead us to believe for many centuries we could own a person, own a country, own land, or minds.  We cannot.  However, we can live our lives destroying ourselves and others as we attempt it.

When it comes to relationships and dare I say commerce, government, education… we are awakening to the idea that maybe to possess another isn’t the best way.  Maybe it is time for belonging love.

The second definition of the word belong implies connection. (see above)  We’d have to ask ourselves what are we connecting to when we interact with another and call it love? Are we connecting, loving, desiring solely that other, his body or mind?  Or are we enjoying connecting to some power source deeper than we know?

To be the property of another doesn’t imply a wholistic connection between said owner and that which is owned.  An owner and that which is owned can never actually love as fear becomes the guiding force. The fear based relationship has no intrinsic spiritual value beyond learning a powerful lesson:  All things, people, places and events – are one movement, cannot be separated.  I cannot separate a thing from life itself and call it mine, and would not less for fear.  To fear life is to fear love.  To fear love is to fear connection. Spiritual death (ie. stagnation & quagmire) is the only option in ownership based relating.

What does this mean for Progressive Lovers?  It’s simple.  The new paradigm love has to be Source connected love.  Our push when loving another, even in loving our jobs, or our material things should be the connection to Source they provide and illuminate.

This speaks to incorporating an open frame of relating, sexual or non-sexual, the premise is the same. The purpose of connection is not to possess or lock down, or to own a man or woman like Great Britain owned Jamaica; but to find Source in that other, find learning and development of the character in that partnership.

Think of this – of all the lands seized during our colonial adventures of the past few two thousand years which of them were made better by being owned by a mother country? Can you think of one place where violence, war, poverty and sickness was not the result?

So, why do we want to colonize our lovers?

Don’t get me wrong.  Colonialization made us better as humans!  We learned as cosmic beings that ownership of people and lands does not work, ownership of minds is not productive – it kills creativity and does not utilize human talent to forward love.  So it’s all been for the good.  Do allow us to learn the lesson and move on.

Listen, I am struggling merrily today to express this to a male friend of mine who is never at peace until I say that I am his one and only.  And even if I say it, he can tell whether I mean it or not.  He knows I do not mean it, I cannot mean it.  He knows me.  He knows I love every single person, place and thing on this planet.  He knows he cannot own me.  This is devastating for him.

I think to myself, ‘baby, you cannot own me, but I can belong to you, I can belong with you, and yes, at the same time I belong to the great all (which includes a great many men). Most important, I belong to/with myself, I belong to/with Source, I cannot separate a part of me to let you own, less I choose death over life – fear over love.

This scares him.  So I think it.  I never say it anymore.  He becomes irate.  He is me, seething in some wayward emotion.  He is my reflection of lack.  Thinking someone can take something away from me.  I go there often.   I do not want to lose HIM and in that very thought I have forgotten, just as he has, that we cannot lose what belongs with us.  We cannot lose one another.  Energy is neither created nor destroyed.

When we pass this fear on the road, instead of stopping to coddle it let us breathe and simply walk on by.  In this way we continue on the path that we can never abate toward a deeper love, power, vitality and light!

I think I will get up soon from this resting place on the path where all relationships are destroyed, this stump, this mound of garbage in the road killing families, lives, destroying homes, communities and ideals – all to show us we have to move on.  Never in vain is our pain.  Never.

I will trudge on toward the new belonging love and through Progressive Love which makes everyone valuable and places self directly into the new dimension we crave.   Help me up. Help us all.

Kenya K Stevens

Love Coach/CEO/Mother/Author :

Coaching with Kenya K Stevens visit this link.

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3 thoughts on “Do I Belong With You or Do You Own Me?

  1. I’m just thankful we have someone to walk with us on this journey because I don’t see how I would even function in my relationship without JuJuMama…it teaches me to accept myself and to accept others. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters to me is Love. Thank you for being a pioneer of Love.

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