Being “in love” from a Progressive Love standpoint feels the same as being in love in any other context. You are deeply and intensely drawn and attracted to a person to the point the mere thought of them consumes you and whips up a storm of emotions. The difference in the progressive love paradigm is that you maintain an awareness that you are not your emotions and that the source of the attraction is within you as opposed to outside of you.
In other words, you’re in it, but not of it. What you feel for this person has more to do with you seeing a part of yourself that you love, in them. That’s what people are seeing and experiencing when they are “in love” with someone, the reflection of themselves, whether past, present, or potential, in that person. That’s why the pull is so strong; it’s YOU.
That’s why “in love” can be so painful as well because in the end who do we hate the most? Ourselves. So the unbalanced, egotistical view of ourselves that we see in this person, that we are so “in love” with, is also what makes us sick about ourselves. That’s why you see the heights of hate come out in these same relationships, usually on the back end, with extreme behavior (i.e. drama).
That said, I wouldn’t avoid an being “in love” per se, but I would definitely understand there is a major lesson in understanding yourself better which is the purpose of this attraction and relationship. If you can keep that at the fore, then there’s hope in all your relationships.
WHY AM I “IN LOVE” WITH “YOU”?
We know that being “in love” is the super strong draw to someone, really intense. You have to ask yourself, why am I drawn so strongly to THIS person as opposed to these others? When you analyze it and think about (for those who’ve been there), it’s not a physical based draw that we’re talking about. You’re not “in love” with their ass, legs, hands, feet, etc even though those features may be great. If it’s not physical, then it must be mental (personality, character, the way they are, how they love you, their energy or vibration, etc.) which is fairly intangible, but recognizable by how it makes YOU feel. This is the link back to YOU. These personality traits and ways they act are what you’re connecting too. It will be these same intangibles that YOU will eventually despise; thus, the almost inevitable, eventual breakup.
Being “in love” is an experience to be enjoyed. It’s like any other strong feeling; it’s just a feeling based on your relation to an object. Like how YOU feel when you see a cute little puppy or your favorite chocolate cake in the window. Your love for chocolate cake is more based on YOU than the cake per se. It’s YOUR love of chocolate that brings up that feeling, not the cake. How do you know? You’ll get the same feeling when you see another piece and another. And when YOU start to love chocolate less over time (if that were to happen because our food desires do change over time), is it because chocolate changed? No. It’s because YOU changed. Just like you won’t fall “in love” with only one person even if those instances differ slightly for whatever reason. Is the next person you fall “in love” with the exact same as the others? No. But, what is the same? YOU.
Is your “in love” feeling for chocolate cake a problem? No. As long as you don’t indulge in it every day because if you do your relationship to it will change. You’ll find things you no longer like about it, like how it makes you sick sometimes or whatever. You’ll see how you suddenly need some space from it or are suddenly drawn to apple pie from some strange reason – YOU CHEATER YOU.
“How long have you been eating apple pie? Is she better than me? I know she flaunted that flakey crust in your face when the waitress brought out the desert tray. I should have slapped that crust off her face right there, but I have class. She’s a bitch and you’re no better! Have you been doing threesomes with her and that slippery vanilla ice cream? Why? Is it me? Have I changed? Am I no longer as thick and rich or brown as I once was? Maybe I’m to dark for you now that you’re making more money. I don’t care, just pack your shit and get out.” – Chocolate Cake
But, why would you need space from it if you’re so “in love” with it? Because you’re not in love with IT, but that one part of it that reflects what YOU love about YOURSELF. When the whole cake is in your face everyday you’ll find plenty not to love about it. Hello apple pie!
So when you understand what within you craves and desires chocolate cake so much or what quality it has that makes you drop your diet when you see a slice then you can master that part of you that you currently have no control over. Then you can start to actually choose when and how you will eat the cake as opposed to letting that emotion and desire drive your decision-making.
IT’S ABOUT LOVE AND HATE
Why is this important? It’s important because we use the same logic to hate people as well, right. Being “in love” is the inverse of being “in hate”. This is the whole basis for racism, sexism, homophobia, and all human biases. It’s your relation to the object as driven by your inner conditionings and beliefs, not the object itself that drives your hate. I know, I know; it’s just something about them that you can’t stand. Or maybe they rubbed you the wrong way and you can’t stand that can you? The thing is, when you really look at their behavior and what pissed you off so bad and made you hate them, you’ll find it’s not too different than what you’ve done in the past or would do in a certain situation or have considered doing yourself. As a matter of fact, there’s probably someone out there who looks at you in the same way you look at this person you hate so much. Just something to meditate on…
Does insecurity play into the feeling of being “in love”? Insecurity is rooted in fear of personal loss based on a vision of a “bad” outcome (i.e. like being alone, not getting married, looking bad in front of family and parents, etc.). So insecure behavior can sometimes mask as being “in love” or even truly loving someone because it causes you to do a number of things, many of which are extreme to keep this person in your life. But insecurity is not related to being “in love” or true “love”.
“In love” is more tied to enchantment. True “love” is more tied to doing what is right for the person you are with because you believe in your heart it’s the right thing to do whether you agree with it or not, whether it’s comfortable or not. Insecurity means you’ll do whatever it takes to not loose the person you’re with or not have them grow beyond what you’re comfortable with out of fear for yourself only. So insecurity and “in love” aren’t related in my opinion.
That’s something to ponder. Enjoy!