It’s Valentines Day a day in which we celebrate love and friendship with our close ones. Why do we fear this emotion so much? Why do we find ways to change it and shift it to better fit our fears around it?

I’m not sure I can answer for most of us, but for me I think it has some to do with the fear of getting lost in the feeling of love. Too wrapped up in it to experience any other emotion. At times it is a fear that love may bring other emotions I’m not ready to build or participate in.

Here at Jujumama and for most of us “outside the box” thinkers, we believe that we attract our truest mirrors, people that will challenge us to grow, or heal us or show us our beauty or beast.  In love, one can expect that love’s challenges will and must be a part of your needed growth.

Initially everything seems great, hormones or chemicals or lust has you both wrapped up to the point that you can’t conceive any other emotion being as good as what you are feeling. This is when we create loves first high expectation – that love will always make us feel like this, “high” “cared for” “protected” … who would want any other emotion to exist? This type of “love” is like being in our mothers womb, no worries, just living right?

Once the initial fantasy phase passes and we start showing our insecurities or our emotional struggles we involve our heart in other not so positive emotions like jealousy, ownership, abandonment, etc…
Now here is the key this part of love; it’s the part we fear.  This part is where we run from because of the pain associated with it. So we choose to avoid it or run from it or at times try to hang on or bring back the initial chemical state of love.

My personal example is that I fear being left alone, I fear that someone will leave me and it will crush the essence of me. Knowing this emotion as fear and knowing i can grow and learn from this emotion always knowing I can find love again, even within, should allow me to progress to a place of happy feeling. Instead I struggle; I make sure I do anything possible so I won’t be left, fearing that I have not done enough and will be abandoned anyways.  Ughhh growth I fight you so!!!!

If we could simply understand love itself is a foundation feeling, and all other emotions revolve around it, I would be able to always return to that foundation after dealing with the particular emotion challenge – or fear.

We should always equate pain with Growth. Knowing once we are in that dark place, we should do anything to learn why and how not to end here again. So if and when we enter this emotion state, perhaps knowing we can always return to our foundation (love) it will allow growth and realizations to flow more easily.

Loving someone out of fear or loving “just enough” so as to not feel the Hurt is not true love. It is a form of protection and half ass emotion. So guess what? Your growth will also be half assed!!! Get me yet   Most people want marriage, not love.  Most people want to be comfortable, not to be loved or to love… this is the story of modern love.

Would love to hear your comments.

All love within,

Jhos the Diva.