Question: How can a woman in a marriage feel special & appreciated if she knows she’s not her husbands only partner?
Simple Answer: I had a hard time shifting this old paradigm thought pattern when my husband and I opened our relationship. We modern women have our identity hooked into owning a man and being owned by a man – just as the male identity is hooked on the same kinds of drugs. Once I disconnected this “False Identity” I found a new sense of feeling special…
I had to let go of the idea that my husband’s fidelity made me the woman I am. I had to let go of the ridiculous notion that my husband’s desires for expanded relations with many women makes me somehow invalid as a woman. I released the idea, also, that what I desire sexually should be suppressed in order to maintain a sense of “dignity”, a false contentedness in maintaining a virgin-ly stance for the sake of remaining graceful in the eyes of the beholder. And there is more! I had to revamp the thought that him ‘doing as I say’ meant I was a good woman, a woman worthy of ‘love’. All of this was false programming – blatant lies – I’d somewhere along the way embraced as truth.
The fact that my husband wants my freedom, wants me to have the desires of my heart, and that he will never desert me for being who I am in the world; This is what makes me feel special now… More important is the beautiful feeling of defining for myself what makes me feel special. Starting from scratch, I decided what makes me feel most special is the daily opportunity to honor my highest longing – to love and be loved by all human beings.
Why did we buy into someone’s idea of specialness? When will we create our own definitions – maybe a few that actually line up with reality? Specialness comes from a place within, the places where true power resides. My true power hinges upon living my destiny, exploring my world, creating my life, enjoying my life, consistent personal growth, and acknowledgement of what feels delicious!
I’d love your thoughts!
Kenya K Stevens