Story By Abiyah Love Elat of Love Healers INC
He showed up at my hotel room…and I began shaking the moment I saw him–anxious because so far my experience with him had been my being challenged to step beyond the boundaries of my own perceived limitations and reveal myself. Being in love with Rakhem Seku presented a new challenge that I desperately wanted to be ready for. I knew instinctively that I had to yield to him and accept my vulnerability so I could be healed. I held on to the knowing that I love him with every ounce of my being…and that he’d reflect that love.
Even before meeting in person, I knew he loved me, but was unsure of the extent. How would that love translate in our budding relationship? How would it affect me? I didn’t know. I had no idea what to expect. I was scared. I had to let that fear go. I needed to take full advantage of what he had come to offer me, and seize the moment.
He came inside and we embraced. He was calm, but I could feel his heart beating against my bosom. I held him close and savored the moment just feeling him. We started talking and I began to grow anxious. I wondered if I looked ok, if he was feeling me like I was feeling him when we touched, or if he wanted to ‘jump my bones’ just as badly as I did in that moment, words unspoken! Yes, I was feeling him and wanted to suck those pouty lips right off of his face. And that’s not all I wanted to suck off–my hormones raging, emotions flaring, and mind racing all at once, I wanted to fall into him immediately, but tried to keep it cool.
I was growing excitedly nervous and beginning to perspire. I was everything but cool, so I finally thought ‘screw it’ and stripped out of my clothes; an impulsive yet brave move for me, as I also have body image issues. I was fully exposed. He calmly and swiftly joined me in nakedness. Next thing I knew, we lay bare, his elegant body aligned with mine as he soothed me with his energy and coached my breathing until the fear left me. Everything else is a little fuzzy for me because I was in a bit of a trance, but for the most part, he had provided an environment…a space of protection and the energy to enable me to be in love, naked, and unashamed/unafraid. The perfect gift, and it was just what I always wanted.
I made the conscious decision to allow myself to be vulnerable this year, having grown weary of feeling less than a woman, less than feminine, and ridiculously ashamed of myself…all my life. You see, I had been unable to have an orgasm through penetration. But what could I do?
Sex for me…pornographic…mechanical…unsatisfying. My husband would tell me that my sex was freakishly incredible when I had been drinking…mostly because under the influence of alcohol, I would not be thinking about anything, just OPEN…loose and fluid. Otherwise, I was a somewhat rigid. Though I always had been told that my sex was good, I always knew I was not at my best. HOW could it be good when I’m not feeling anything?
I’m sure hubby suspected something yet simply thought he was to blame. The fact of the matter is that it’s not the man who is responsible for our pleasure or orgasm…I am.
At any rate, I was able to create the illusion of enjoyment. I would perform the acts…sometimes routinely… For many years I faked orgasm. For even more years, I faked being present. I would typically drift off into a fantasy to get me through the ‘event’. I would go through the motions using technique and application, not truly feeling much of anything other than boredom or frustration. Oh, and I felt guilty…terribly guilty for wanting more and for being so damned difficult to please.
Something was clearly wrong with me, and I felt clueless to fix it. I had been discussing this with Rakhem prior to meeting him. Of course he challenged me to step out of my protective shell in order for our experience uninhibited bliss… I stalled him out a few times, reluctant to come closer, and I know this caused him to question the authenticity of my love for him and devotion to the work. Fact is, I could not truly love him if I was afraid, so I needed to show up and show him that I was for real. I needed to experience being completely open with him and trust the process of love being made between us. I knew that in doing so, I would also need to be vulnerable and fully present in the moment. A unsettling idea, but I released all apprehension the moment he lay me down.
He began showering me with soft lingering kisses and tasted my moistness. This thoroughly relaxed me and I could feel my warm rain slowly coming down. His hands steadily searched my body for my hidden places, traveling along my curves and hills, dwelling in my valley, marking his territory. He found the entry to my deep dark rain forest, and there was stillness, silence. Heat escaping me there, I suddenly felt a chill, my lungs filled with a gust of air and I shuddered in anticipation.
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He hovered over me covering me with the warmth of his lean body and without hesitation he ventured in and claimed my personal space. HIs navigation tool well equipped and firm. His invasiveness deliberate and sturdy. I immediately could feel his strong presence shifting things around inside me with the combination of shallow and deep thrusts he so thoroughly supplied me, and it felt absolutely wonderful. I was relieved. Seemed that with each audible indication of delight I made, he would deliver me a sensation more intense than the last so, I began moving my hips to encourage this.
It was getting so good to me, I motioned to pull him closer and opened my eyes to watch what he was doing to me. He caught my eyes in a brief yet intense moment and turned me around to where I could no longer see his face. I grew excited awaiting his next move as he stood behind me. He placed his hand over the swallow of my back at the base of my spine and gently stroked upward. I felt a surge of energy rush to my head. I arched my back and opened wide to receive him. He grabbed my hips and pulled me towards him. He penetrated me deeply, pushing into me further than I have ever been entered…
I got weak, finally fully open.
He fit me like a key to a lock. He ground his body into mine and began stroking and pulsing and digging through me as if clearing space for all this abundance I was feeling. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t do anything but feel all this love pumping into me…flooding my pores and veins, intoxicating me to high levels of pure enjoyment. Filling me with the excitement of his intensity, my body finally gave way to the thrilling sensations I longed to feel all through me–coursing through me like a rush of electricity causing my legs to jerk my body forward with such force I fell onto the mattress unplugging from his charge. I collapsed beneath him, shaking and writhing I wept in sweet release and in total shock.
As he lay with me, holding me in his arms we were both startled by the sudden ring of the hotel room phone—-I KNEW it was my husband! Rakhem raised up to retrieve it, greeted him and handed me the phone very casually. I, puzzled at first, could not fully comprehend what was happening, or why he answered the phone…and further why he had handed me the phone while I was CLEARLY still mid-orgasm. For me, it was a bit of an awkward moment as I tried to pull myself together to speak.
I was partly giggling in amazement and delight, still sobbing at the same time…hysterical, and all I could feel was love. I managed to tell my husband how much I love him…and thanked him over and over.
I was thanking my King for this gift of allowance. I believe he called in that moment because he felt my breakthrough in his soul. We are psychically, physically, emotionally, and soulfully connected in this way. It was a joy to include him in this breakthrough moment, as he was truly very much a part of it, and is a part of me. I felt so good and everything felt so right. I felt complete.
Oh there’s more to this story that I will tell you about at a later time. I just wanted to share a little bit about how incredible my first time was being open and in tantric session with Rakhem Seku. It was something I will always cherish and remember. He is the Adoring Lover, Trusted Friend, and Love Healer who holds my hand tenderly and ushers me into a completely open heart. Though I do the work to heal and reveal…he accepts and allows me to with patience, loving kindness, strength, poise, and grace. I feel empowered, encouraged, and elated being with him… I give thanks.
It was wonderful being vulnerable. Being vulnerable meant BEING OPEN. In pushing past my fears and uncertainty, I am reminded that It certainly takes courage to love. Showing up in our relationships authentically means being vulnerable. When we share our vulnerability, we show our strength. I share this with you and others to encourage you to step beyond the fear, pain, and inhibition to release and experience bliss.
It was a challenge to describe in words for you how it felt for me to finally experience such sweet release. His soul spoke to mine and my heart sang SILENTLY.
More to come on my journey to open love.
If you’d like a session with Rakhem Seku, he is a healer waiting and ready to open you to orgasm… he opened me to my first vaginal orgasm… I’d encourage you call him 888.509.5724
Love to you,
Abiyah Love Elat
I come to you with much gratitude for sharing your experience! I feel in myself some of those feelings of reservation. I know that I will not be able to fully engage without the level of vulnerability that you speak on. An inspiration indeed!!
Move out of your comfort zone and into your stretch zone to expand and grow. You can only do this if you’re willing to feel awkward, uncomfortable, insecure, and a little afraid when you try something new. Triumphs are achieved when you feel these things and BREAK THROUGH them. It’s all about WHAT YOU DO when you’re in these situations. It’s always about you. Self mastery is a transferable skill…and mastering this is applicable in all areas of your life. I tell you the truth.
I am so moved by your story……beyond words right now…but thank you for sharing your journey.
Beautiful! I will continue to share with you, Beloved! It’s a joy to know that others can connect with my experience and relate in such a way as you’ve expressed. Peace and Perfection to YOU! xXx
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, Sis! I’ve experienced pain and violation from the people closest to me–primarily from persons I had NO CHOICE but to be exposed to…caregivers, family, and people I considered to be my friends. Seems the closest ones to you can hurt you the most. I became very guarded, and tried to empower myself by choosing to be vulnerable with certain people once I felt comfortable enough Once I knew them well enough, long enough…or they showed me without a shadow of a doubt that they would not hurt me. But I found myself needing for others to prove to me that they were trustworthy, and I was always looking for something to prove my distrust…and no one ever measured up to this standard of excellence. So I never truly let anyone in! Truth is, I always expected to be hurt, or betrayed, or used.
I simply decided that if I wanted to experience true intimacy with someone, I needed to let them see my inner heart, expose myself to the very depth of possibly being hurt. I do it because I like to freely speak my mind and now hope that I can trust that person with my thoughts and feelings. And if it turns out that they could not be trusted, I don’t see it as any fault of my own. I don’t see it anymore as a violation. I don’t feel victimized…I view it as an opportunity to own my own emotions, and THAT is empowering in itself–because no matter what anyone “does to me”…they cannot destroy my truth. I simply reaffirm “Yes, I love you.” and move on…letting go of the lie “I am not loved.”…which strengthens my stance in integrity upon that foundation of trust. I reafffirm that: “I love, I am loved, and I am Love!” This creates more of the reality that is ME…and the illusions “fall away”. I love in Spirit and Truth…no longer under certain conditions.
The truth sets us free…to love…to be…in love. I don’t want to be “guarded”, I don’t want to have to restrain myself. I like it when I can trust someone enough to share myself with them. I like being open and free. No one can take that from me…it’s my choice..my joy, and I own it. I have no regrets. *smiles*
I love this. What you speak of is truly brave!
Thank You, Suga!
Deeply moved by your vivid account. I, too, am in a similar position.
Beautiful Rose will blossom opening up to the Sunshine and the Rain.
wow..had read another blog here back in march relating to our mirrored relationships.thought id check back since its been some time and i now see this blog that…more than anything else in my life of insecurity and feeling of inadequacy was this very issue that you shared with everyone.ive come to acceptance with where i am and hope that i find one who is patient,loving,and unafraid to explore with me.im now very upfront and honest from the get go about MY controlled patterns.i recognize they were place to protect me as a young girl but as an adult i would love nothing more than to trust the environment,others,and myself more.to let go of these old habits and live a less controlled life.thank you for sharing…i really think i would call this loving person you speak of.
YES!!! You are WELCOME!!! “GO” for it! xo
Congratulations. I am so proud of you and your experience. Love your openness and have always been in Love with you since day one. Thank you for sharing. Muah
I love you too, Nikeema Gurl!
Thanks for supporting me and my work. You know that this was an area of my personal development that I was careful and intent on breaking through. It gives me great pleasure to share my joy with others. (((Muah!)))
This is a sad display of a woman with horrible self confidence, in her self. A woman that only gets a thrill from a relative stranger. The gullible woman that obviously is dumb enough to think that she was in love, and that man loved her, when they had never really met before. There was no identification with tantric sex practices. Its sounded like a zane novel, literary porn at best. It is obvious that this man is nothing but a giggalo, and his wife are profit monsters. Taking advantage of the weakest of souls. The people yearning for love so much, that they will accept it from anybody willing to sell them a dream. Shame on this woman, and shame on those two manipulators. As a clinical psychologist, the damage done to you in your childhood has caused your personal issues. That man was only a placebo. I genuinely think that it will not cure your sexual experience with your husband.
It’s obvious that I was struggling with issues of self-love and that I had blockages from childhood issues. And I’m not the only one who does. As a “clinical psychologist”, you should know this. Your approach at delivering your professional opinion is quite inept. Had you any comprehension or insight into what was written in content, rather than seeking to compare my writing style to an erotic fiction author, you might have drawn that further conclusion. Your “shame on you” mentality and methodology are ineffectual. There is nothing therapeutic or tactical about hurling insults and accusations. I would highly recommend retraining for you, for if nothing more than to equip you with the thinking power necessary to make better critical judgments and assessments with substance and accuracy. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to also be a bit more considerate, but again, that comes with professionalism, maturity, your own self-confidence, and emotional intelligence.
So basically, ‘duh’, your opinion offered is just that–opinion, not facts. The FACT that you have such a strong emotional reaction and contempt towards not only my words, but Rakhem and Kenya’s work, indicate that you have some unhealed hurts, unresolved issues, and unmet needs yourself.
Once I was, but am no longer, a scared, scarred little girl. I am now a grown capable sensible and sensual woman who takes full responsibility and accountability for my actions. Let me make this one thing clear here, I was not “manipulated” by him…never a victim…and yes, my sex life has gotten better and better because I choose to let go and surrender every time, more and more. The moment I choose not to, is the moment I forfeit a potentially blissful experience and inhibiting my growth and expansion. My choice…my doing…always!
I chose to have this experience with Rakhem, and I have no regrets. I was not looking for anything I hadn’t already had with him…love, passion, confidence, assurance, trust, and acceptance. “Being in love” with Rakhem was never dependent nor contingent upon his returning it to me. And it is unchanged. I choose to be happy in love. And so, I Am.
I personally will never be ashamed of myself or my struggles and triumphs again. My experience is a testament of my own strength and courage. I’m glad that it inspires some, and I feel pitty for those, like you, who are vexed by it. As for me, I will continue to place myself in my stretch zone, taking the necessary risks to grow and expand as I see fit among the plethora of opportunities abound.
Self Love is The Highest Love
Respectfully,
~AbiYah~
I would love to feel this way!! The freedom, the self acceptance, the pure joy!! I feel the need for that connection, that breakthrough, I feel like I’m drowning…. I pray my turn will come soon. Thank you for sharing. Be blessed..
When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired…you will get the healing that is required, Beloved! Feel free to reach out to me or any of the Jujumama Love Coaches to discuss further. We can help you…and You can do this! xXx