Alright, so this is important. There are many men walking the planet today who believe their fathers were “bad guys” because they had many lovers beyond their wives. Often these men feel their father’s behavior “destroyed” the family or hurt the mother… Well, I’m here to tell you these are not “bad” men in the least. And while the lessons we learned from them may have been challenging to bear, we are supposed to learn from these men how to be free – not shrink back from love due to their misinformation.
In the song above, singer, songwriter, Anthony David talks about the guilt he felt on his father’s behalf for not being “faithful” to his mother. The lyrics are smooth and sensitive. David’s voice is out of this world… Creamy and delightful. The song is relevant to most all men! I completely feel the pain and the love in this song… don’t you?
I’m here to say the issue is the paradigm, not the men. Both men and women, especially in long term relationships, have desires for more and more love, it’s only natural. I discussed this in my post New pussy vs Loyal Pussy. The reason we desire more love beyond a long term partner is due to the fact that love creates community, not just couples. Love is interested in bonding each of us with as many others as humanely possible! Is that a strange concept?
Sure, we didn’t learn this on television or in school. Rather, we learned that a cheating man is a man who is out of control, out of integrity, and out of luck when it comes to gaining the respect of his children and wife.
The issue with men actually believing a cheating father to be “bad” is he will continue his father’s pattern, inherently - due to intense focus upon it. As much as a young boy is hurt about his father’s desires for more love, and the pain it seemed to cause in his family – he will still have the desire to love more once he is in a committed relationship. It’s human nature to desire more love. But if he has attached negative ideals to the natural desire for more love – he too will replicate the negative implications therein. In like manner, a girl who shunned her father’s behavior will attract men who behave the same. This is law of attraction – what we focus on expands, negative or positive…
What we must do at this juncture is forgive our fathers, understand that it’s the corrupt paradigm we’ve embraced, not a lack of “faithfulness” that had dad in the street loving many women in a seemingly irresponsibly manner. All dad needed to do is admit his desire to his lady, and allow her the same desires and the ability to act on these desires… After all, how could he expect she didn’t need what he needed, more love, more affection, more bonding with more humans? He also needed to protect and serve ALL women – and teach his sons to do the same. But this isn’t easy when traditional marriage rules tell us not to be human beings… stuff away desire and have some sense of alien morality that goes against everything divine and everything human!
Authenticity and sharing is the solution to man’s current issue non monogamy in relationships. To remedy the concern, men could give all women “permission” to be the same, as well as let women know he will never leave, he will cherish and adore forever, no matter whom else they both love. How simple is that?
It’s not simple at all, we have much to un-learn. But I promise it’s worth the journey home…
Let your daddy off the hook. He was being natural. The only part he forgot (was not taught) is to allow his woman to be natural too and to tell the truth about his orientation, standing in integrity so that children understood, and could mimic light instead of treachery. Who would have taught him how to handle things appropriately? JujuMama was not around at that time… giggle.
Sure, it many take a long time to work through the emotions of open relationships, but the benefit is worth it. Women may become angry when men speak truth, but doing what daddy did not, will save you from being what daddy was not. Giving her the opportunity to share what you desire – MORE love always… always more love – will free the generations that follow and bring harmony back to your heart – all hearts.
Every human being thrives on love. We shall have no more one sided, secretive, guilt ridden, obtuse relationships! Let’s be authentic with one another so that our children know how to do this, innately. Our fathers will become free from our pity and wrath when we correct the concerns… then we can become more than what we are now. This is called evolution.
Any concerns, voice them here. Listen to Anthony David and hear his words… tell me you resonate. Lets vibrate HIGHER!!!!
Love and Delight
Kenya K Stevens
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This seems wrong and counterintuitive on so many levels. The reason to forgive Daddy is because we need to forgive. It’s the major lesson in the Bible and if people have not figured this out yet, forgiving will free you. As far as forgiving Daddy’s behavior, I take issue with it. Some behavior should not be engaged in.
This article seeks to simplify to a fault. There are moral ways to be in relationships. There are times to restrain yourself when you have a wife and family. If you like to preach against that it’s your business. But you mislead others, in my opinion. The reason why “it takes time to work through the pain of open relationships” is because people shouldn’t be having them!!
It is beautiful and fully possible to be satisfied on all levels with your husband. If he is the right husband. Problem is, women don’t take the time or gumption to interview, pick and choose! (I guess men don’t either but I am an expert at the women). You know “the he’s not for me” songs. They rock.
While I completely respect when people can have open relationships. I don’t think that everyone needs them or even wants them. I tried in the past to have open relationships and there was far too much pain involved. Overall I found them unfufilling both spiritually and emotionally. Many times the man doesn’t want to share his lady while he gets to have all the sex he desires. Many times the lady doesn’t want to share her man and it leaves her shattered. Who wants to have your husband making babies with lots of different women? That can also effect your health if/when he comes home with a STD. People have the tendency to get swept up in the moment and forget about the consequences of their actions in reality. Forgiveness is good, but what about the intent of the actions? Should disrespect and carelessness be condoned by doing so? My Father never cheated on my Mother, they got divorced for different reasons. Both sets of my Grandparents never strayed and continued to stay in love with each other. Sometimes all we need to do is appreciate the blessings in our lives and we find that is more then enough for us. Then again, maybe the persons needs have changed. I think all of that depends on where you are in your life and what you want for your future.
Jujumama, the only way an open marriage is of integrity is when both partners go in from the get-go with the mutually agreed upon decision to be open. Not that after taking vows of monogamy someone sneaks behind the other’s back, gets caught, and then proposes “hey lets just be open from here on out”.