(Vintage Jujumama from July 2009)
Man oh Man! I am so excited! I just accepted this new open life of mine. I left the world of monogamy kicking and screaming. But, once you go Open Universal Love – you never come back to the personal ownership drama. It’s good to know that I can explore my sacred sensuality and ONENESS in new ways and with luscious men, ay man I choose…
Thought It Was Me by Bell Biv Devoe – 1985
I was listening to this song the other day and thinking what an interesting subject it makes. Why do men feel that if a woman is warm, fuzzy, blissful, orgasmic, and happy with him that she should not be this way with ALL men, ALL people, in fact!? Why would a man want a woman who is happy with him and then indifferent to the rest of the world? Can she be happy, blissful and free in general? Or just with him?…
So ladies. Let’s talk. Whats all this I hear about low libido women? When I walk on the streets certain people know who I am and maybe they read my blog. They tell me that I am a brave woman for having an open relationship. But they ask me one question or make one simple statement: “I don’t like sex that much. I don’t even feel like having sex with the one man I have”. OK?
What’s up with that?
For some, this is a statement of validation. I am female, I don’t like sex. A credo of sorts that is simply old news in my book. For others this is a statement of defeat. I just don’t get into that… But for me – I am hearing something deeper in the voices of women everywhere who have come to me with this situation – low libido…
So I have loads of people asking me this question. I mean the emails are off the hook! Everyone wants to know how they can tell if their own relationship is ready to open. An open relationship is one in which both partners are free to have outside partners on an intimate and emotional level.
Here is a little checklist of attributes that I would say serve as prerequisites for this type of love… open love. Now mind you, some relationships will never be ready and that too is OK. This is not for everyone, but what is? LOL! And we highly suggest you secure Love Coaching is you want to walk this path with your partner…
OK – so here is the list. Whether you are in a marriage or a committed relationship or single, the list still applies…
This discussion took place on one of my nationwide phone calls. It really went deeply into the topics of Open Relationships, Swinging, Monogamy and Compersion. We discussed the fact that it has been more acceptable in the past for women to settle with a man who has many women, Continue reading
I am a black man and a cheater. Not all the time, just every now and then. The itch comes to me, and no matter what my wife does, I still can’t help but want another woman. At least for a night, or two, or three.
I love my wife very much. No woman I’ve ever met or will meet will hold a more important place in my life. I also love my kids, our house, my job and the fish in my daughter’s room. I love everything about my life at home, even though my relationship has become dull and rocky. But while I love having a strong black family, I also love being a man, and there is a part of me that just can’t handle monogamy.
I see a lot of misinformation in Essence and other black women’s magazines about men and what we want. It’s silly to me, because women don’t know a thing about us. At the same time, they spend all their time talking about us. They always think they have us figured out, that we can be changed, and that they can come up with some magic formula that will control us and make us want to give them all the blissful matrimony they are seeking.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
